Futurama Quotes for Any Occasion V. 3

Volume 3 – Philip J. Fry, Turanga Leela and other Random Characters

The final set of quotes, all needing only a minimum of editing to break the ice at events such as: your child’s circumcision, “family planning” office small talk, anger management classes, prom chaperoning or public indecency arrest. Enjoy!

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Philip J. Fry

• Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex.
• But you’re better than normal, you’re abnormal.
• I don’t like having discs crammed into me… unless they’re Oreos… and then only in the mouth.
• I’ve got to stop living in the past, by which I mean the future.
• I came as soon as I heard what happened centuries ago.
• Hey, did everything just taste purple for a second?
• Don’t you worry about “blank.” Let me worry about “blank.”
• There are guys in the background of Mary Worth comics that are more important than me.
• It’s just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you?
• They’re like sex, except I’m having them!
• I don’t regret this, but I both rue and lament it.
• I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff!
• We’re in the middle of nowhere, which is the safest part of nowhere.
• I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.
• Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?
• When will young people learn that playing “Dungeons and Dragons” doesn’t make you cool!
• It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone’s throwing up.
• Well, it used to be milk… and time makes fools of us all.
• I’ll show ye.
• People said I was dumb, but I proved them!
• Words. Nothing but sweet, sweet words that turn into bitter orange wax in my ears.
• But existing is basically all I do!
• Yeah. If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low IQ or an explosive violent temper, of course you’re gonna be lonely.
• I need the apartment tonight. Go see a saucy puppet show.
• It’s hot in here! The butter in my pocket is melting!
• Maybe you can’t understand this, but I finally found what I need to be happy. And it’s not friends. It’s things.
• C’mon guys, tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1999… again.
• Ow! My sperm!
• I hear that. I spent most of my teen years loving my body. Of course, it was tough love but…
• No need to pack pants, people. Let’s roll!
• My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?
• Wow! Check out that guy! He makes Speedy Gonzales look like regular Gonzales.
• We’re all sick of your new upbeat outlook on life.
• These new hands are great! I’m gonna break them in tonight.
• All right… It’s Saturday night. I have no date, a two liter bottle of Shasta and my all Rush mix tape. Let’s rock!
• Because it taught me so much. Like, how you should accept people, whether they be black, white, Klingon or even female.