Archive for May, 2010

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Heavy Rotation 46

May 30, 2010

Since writing about music is so much “dancing about architecture,” why don’t we all just check out the real thing?

http://bldgblog.blogspot.com/

More white boy shuffling re: building and such here:
The Heavy Rotation Archives

K-X-P – 18 Hours (of Love).mp3
Emerging from Helsinki, Finland armed with a stack of Spacemen 3 and Suicide records, K-X-P mine a more restrained vein of space/drone rock than their influences would indicate. This track rides an amped-up bluesy groove not a million miles removed from Spirit in the Sky, which is accented with blankets of reverb, bursts of distortion and very occasional bits of electro-drumming.

Grave Babies – Eating Babies.mp3
Grave Babies – Graves.mp3

The Grave Babies (whom I’ve featured before) have been heavily rotating around my skull for the past several weeks. The entire album (which can be found here [right-click to download]) is a washed-out masterpiece, built of waves of static and distorted instrumentation suggesting the last broadcast of man’s intangible humanity, slowly disintegrating as it rides a decaying signal.

These tracks (the first and last songs on the album) are both works of severely fucking damaged beauty, exploring the minutia of the post-apocalypse as it stands in contrast to omnipresent death and destruction. In other words, there’s nothing like an epidemic of death and undeath to make every small human interaction all-important while simultaneously completely irrelevant.

Like a heartbreaking conversation that plays out with someone saying “I love you” only to hear in reply, “Does it matter?”

(Note to listeners: Graves, from about 3 minutes on, is nothing but static, distortion and disembodied talking. You can move on at that point. It’s great in the context of the album, but a bit much when sampling a single track.)

Eating Babies

Graves

We Were Promised Jetpacks – It’s Thunder and It’s Lightning.mp3
Like classic Echo & the Bunnymen/James fronted by the cast of Trainspotting. In addition to sounding just kinda fucking awesome, how about that band name? Can I get a “hell yeah” or closest Scottish equivalent? Man, it’s worth hearing just for that.

On the actual “musical information” side, the song deals with domestic violence, which the Scottish have a lot of experience with apparently… (See also: Glasgow Kiss. And also: Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine – Sealed with a Glasgow Kiss.)

Rotovibe – Become.mp3
I won’t lie to you. This is going to sound like a million other lovelorn songs for about a minute or two. I thought the same thing. I was about to hit “Next” on the mp3 player when some nice backing vocals kicked in at the 45-second mark.

I gave it a stay of execution. It started to dive back down and my finger hovered over the kill switch… Then the crafty bastards brought in an organ. And you know how I feel about organ tones. Plus, the chiming, reverbed guitars were wearing down my resistance.

So, I’m still holding. It builds a little. A little more. The vocals reach a peak. Then the other guitar(s) join in (2:30). And holyfuckingshit, we have a Heavy Rotation entry. The perfect storm of distortion, wah pedal and some skilfully wielded feedback.

To sum up: sounds like a head-on collision of Classic Girl and Up the Beach by Jane’s Addiction, which leaves behind shards of resplendent destruction and the most exquisite corpse you’ve ever seen/heard.

Dum Dum Girls – Bhang Bhang I’m a Burnout.mp3
Well, let’s hit the road with a smile on our face. Nominally a band, but more a roadshow for lead singer Dee Dee punk fixations, the Dum Dum Girls (nod to Iggy Pop) hit the ear like an all-female Ramones, a comparison aided greatly by the lead singer’s name.

Somewhere between one-chord punk and free form garage rock, the DDG experience is as much fun as a barrel full of nitrous. Enjoy. (And of course, many thanks to the oddly omnipresent MEK for pointing me in their direction.)

-CLT

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Fancy Plans… Guide to North American Trees

May 28, 2010
[In the interest of buying myself some time, I’m dragging an old post out of the archives and into the harsh glare of nearly a year’s worth of hindsight. This one dates back to 06/25/09 and features the short, punchy stylings of a blogger in his prime. You’ll notice I run a lot longer now…]

In the interest of bettering our fellow bloggers, we provide this handy guide to the trees of North America. While this can generally be a tedious and forgettable subject, we hope that, when all is read and done, you’ll walk away with at least one more fact to add to your collection of useless knowledge. Prepare to be taught at!

The over-dramatic Weeping Willow prepares to hurl itself into the river, quoting "Hamlet" all the while...

The over-dramatic Weeping Willow prepares to hurl itself into the river, quoting "Hamlet" all the while...

Weeping Willow
Easily the most “emo” of all North American trees, the weeping willow spends its lifetime sullenly hunched over, bitterly complaining about anything and everything.* It can often be found sulking morosely in the darker corners of your yard.

  • *Wind – Fine. I’m waving. Crawl out of my ass. Jesus.
  • Calm – A breeze would be nice.
  • Rain – This is how I feel inside. All the time.
  • Not Raining – Nobody understands me. Not even the weather.
  • Snow – Why can’t we live somewhere warmer?
  • Heat – This fucking figures.

Natural Enemies: Sunny, temperate days; the laughter of children

Given local wind patterns, your neighbors may be surprised by a few maples of their own, long after you've skipped town...

Depending on wind patterns, your neighbors may be surprised by a few maples of their own, long after you've skipped town...

Maple
Widely acknowledged as Canada’s only export, the maple is known for its appearance on national flags and its ruthlessly efficient seed distribution system, which is regarded by many top scientists as a “miracle.”

DaVinci’s early model for a flying machine (known today as the “autogyro”) was based on the corkscrewing flight pattern of the maple seed. The U.S. military took this to its logical conclusion in Vietnam, using their autogyros to scatter “leaflets” over the irritated population, who grumbled and told their kids to get outside and rake the yard. (“Watch out for the punji pits and anti-personnel mines. I don’t want to have to clean up two messes today.”)

Natural enemies: Rakes; currency exchange rates

Yeah. I've been working out. I also own a Big & Tall franchise...

Yeah. I've been working out. I also own a Big & Tall franchise...

Oak
A hulking metaphor of a tree, the oak tree is prized for its bold statement that even the smallest of us can grow up to do great things, like win the heavyweight championship of the world, or take out a neighbor’s water lines.

While it tends to do better in wide open areas, it can usually be found in groupings of smaller trees, rubbing its towering new look in the faces of its former classmates, who teased it mercilessly during its formative years.

Natural enemies: Squirrels; small claims court

The rarely seen, but easily activated, aspen G-spot...

The rarely seen, but easily activated, aspen G-spot...

Aspen
The most sensitive of all North American trees, the aspen is known for it “quaking” and “shivering” at the slightest breeze, while gusts in the 30-40 mph range will cause it to break down in full-blown tears. Recent scientific studies have theorized that the tree may actually be the most easily aroused of all plants, its quaking due to an incredibly easily achieved orgasm.

Either way, aspen owners should keep their distance, as it becomes emotionally attached at the slightest provocation, leading to late night surprise visits and drunk-dialing.

Natural enemies: Woodpeckers; frat boys

A promotional still from "Biker Boyz," featuring the semi-rare R-type redwood in the background...

A promotional still from "Biker Boyz," featuring the semi-rare R-type redwood in the background...

California Redwood
Although native to California, the redwood has begun to creep up the coastline into Oregon and Washington, prompting locals to bitch endlessly about these intruders. These diatribes, usually delivered from atop a bicycle or light-rail car, are usually disregarded by tourists and redwoods alike.

The looming threat of California’s bankruptcy should only increase the redwood exodus, providing the Pacific Northwest with novelty tree “tunnels” and yet another goddamn reason for tourists to visit. There is some speculation (as yet unproven) that the trees are only looking for cheaper real estate/heroin.

Natural enemies: Oregonians; tainted needles

Most Pleasant View Obstruction - Bed & Breakfast Monthly, July 2002

Most Pleasant View Obstruction - Bed & Breakfast Monthly, July 2002

Cedar
The Swiss Army knife of trees, the cedar has been used to create everything from moderately priced furniture to bedding for pet rodents. Due to its versatility and distinctive smell, the noble cedar has excelled in many areas during the last several years (listed below).

  • Intramural volleyball team captain
  • District co-champion, debate team
  • Co-signer on Aaron Nussbaum’s auto loan
  • President of the Sierra Club (1984, 1996)
  • Personal assistant to Blythe Danner, Phillip Michael Thomas
  • Toothpick of the year (1997)
  • U.S. Goodwill Ambassador to Luxembourg
  • Recipient – Don Mills Clean Living Award (2009)
  • Best Smile – Paloma County High School (Junior Year)

Natural Enemies: Cheerleader cliques; asthmatics

Close-up view of the many small parts of the common pine, which is very easily disassembled...

Close-up view of the many small parts of the common pine, which is very easily disassembled...

Pine
Perhaps best known for its involvement in the George Brett pine tar scandal (as well as its role as an “enabler” in several lesser incidents), the pine has cleaned up its reputation to become a well-known Christmas icon, on par with Santa Claus and his son, Jesus Christ.

Also well-known to homeowners and other Christmas celebrants as “nature’s litterbug,” the pine cannot help but shed needles and cones every-fucking-where constantly. Years of domestication have failed to housebreak the tree, as its shedding reaches a peak when kept indoors. “Evergreen,” my ass.

Natural enemies: Umpires; Jehovah’s Witnesses

"... at which point your grandmother, on your mother's side, fornicated with an angel..."

"... at which point your grandmother, on your mother's side, fornicated with an angel..."

Family
Ranging in size from a full-blown leviathan (Utah) to barely more than a misshapen stump with a few rare branches (Arkansas, West Virginia), this decidedly North American institution is prized for its collection of interminable slideshows and long, boring stories.

While it continues to grow all year round, it reaches its peak during the summer reunion months.

Natural enemies: Attractive cousins; Planned Parenthood

-CLT

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The Fancy Plans Guide to AFI’s Top 100 Films – Vol. 1

May 26, 2010

Following up on Fundamental Jelly’s dare from a few weeks back, it’s the first volume of our guide to the American Film Institute’s list of the 100 Greatest American films. In this volume we take on the top 5 movies of all time, with an eye on quick readability and some general laziness on my part. Enjoy!

Welles' larger-than-life portrayal of Kane was made simpler by his being four times the size of the rest of the cast.

1. Citizen Kane (1941)
The movie against which all other movies are measured. Features a twist ending in which William Randolph Hearst tortures Charles Foster Kane to give up the location of the Rosebuds, a husband-and-wife team of Communist co-conspirators. They are then burned in front of Kane to prove a point. Followed by a sequel, The Third Man. (See also #57, possibly months from now…)

A Berkeley film class re-edit relegates Bogart's role to a cameo. A cameo of supportiveness.

2. Casablanca (1942)
Loosely translated as “White House,” this bilingual romance classic still remains an all-time favorite thanks to the iconic performances of Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. To wit:

“Cuando la preocupación en cuenta la forma final al comer también Rick causa estado simple pianoman, especialmente por la noche esquina programa de Nazis difíciles del día la muerte el Thundercats. Ofrecen objetivo elección enlace a veces de llegar públicos básicos murderkill del paso central por el bolsillo, porque la adhesión recta muy thoughtcrime cadena de tratar se sitúan el movimiento pequeño regalo por su vestibule. La introducción circunstancia se makout session con la influencia Rick James necesita saltar los ojos del techo de búsqueda principal deseo enseñar Superfreak de nuevo paquete de clave de bienestar recoger mar diputado kilo of cocaine.”

The Godfather strongly hints that you would be happier with a different long-distance carrier.

3. The Godfather (1972)
The prequel to the best gangster flick of all time (Casino), The Godfather is a true Italian classic, beloved by millions for its stereotypical depictions and large amount of scenery-chewing. Features brilliantly murky cinematography, a surprisingly poignant rape scene and some of Ray Harryhausen’s finest stop-motion animation. (Especially evident during Sonny’s [James Caan] ill-fated tollbooth stop on Monster Island.)

Francis Ford Coppola proved to be an “actor’s director,” coaxing brilliant performances out of otherwise unremarkable thespians as Al Pacino, Marlon Brando and Abe Vigoda. Unfortunately, Brando’s ridiculous demands for “more pastries” resulted in his character being written out of the script via an orange-related mishap. Exceedingly long.

Rhett Butler seals his "cad" reputation by briefly setting Scarlett O'Hara's hairdo on fire.

4. Gone with the Wind (1939)
Praised for its gorgeous hand painted photography and long line of collector’s plates, Gone with the Wind tells the age-old story of an ill-fated romance between a bitch and an asshole.

What sets this masterpiece apart from comparable films such as You’ve Got Mail and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is its sweeping vistas and Civil War backdrop, the latter of which aids the thin analogies that “love is a battlefield” and “ill-fated romances are the equivalent of Sherman’s March to the Sea, only in our hearts.”

Notable for its reckless use of color, colorful language and an actual colored person in a non-singing, non-dancing role. Exceedingly long.

With the invention of aviator glasses still several years off, some privileged gentlemen battle the sun's intense rays with Lasik eye removal.

5. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
The purportedly true story of D.W. “Lawrence” Griffith, a swashbuckling director/racist whose love of colonialism was unbridled, much like a majority of the horses in this film. A grand epic in the tradition of Gone with the Wind and Epic Movie, Lawrence of Arabia utilizes its breathtaking locations and romanticized portrayal of the main character to distract viewers from the fact that they’re leaking free time all over the place while watching it. Exceedingly long.

(A note to viewers following along at home: AFI apparently tabulates their ratings via a voting system that rewards exceedingly long films. [Known as QPM, or Quality Per Minute, to insiders.])

-CLT

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Heavy Rotation Vol. 45

May 23, 2010

Hey, readers. Sorry about the lack of insightful yet hilarious intro. Instead, please enjoy this.

http://www.behance.net/Gallery/Make-Something-Cool-Every-Day-2009/171640

It will keep your eyes busy while your ears are otherwise occupied. And remove at least 4-5 hours of your previously free time.

Like intros? Most of these have those:
The Heavy Rotation Archives

The Fall – Serum.mp3
From 2002’s underrated* The Unutterable, a heavily electronic album that seems to be stealing pages from several different electronic artists (var. Big Beat artists, some swing/samba distortion a la Foetus). This track in particular seems to be quoting (of all bands) Infected Mushroom**, I shit you not. It’s all densely layered breakbeats and acid squiggles, with Mark E. Smith’s overenunciated Mancunian drawl coloring in the spaces, ranting-uh and raving-uh about godknowswhat.

* (Let’s be honest, when you release something like 1,300 albums over the course of 3.5 decades, you’re bound to end up with a few labelled “underrated.” It’s just simple math.)
** (If you’re not familiar, and there’s really no reason you should be, Infected Mushroom are an Israeli trance group that travels the harsher, more psychedelic side of trance. Many labels have been carelessly applied to their pounding, acidic trance. Psytrance and goa are the ones that have stuck.)

Echo & the Bunnymen – Proxy.mp3
Apparently, the Bunnymen are back together. Despite all my musical expertise, I thought that they had pretty much said the hell with it after 1997’s Evergreen, which would have been the last album of theirs I purchased.

I have since been informed (by MEK and Wiki) that a.) they’ve been releasing albums every four years or so for the past 12 years and b.) the world does NOT revolve around me and my CD purchases. So… good for them!

This track is all kinds of bouncy fun, full of sixties-ish piano and harmonizing. In fact, it’s so great you’ll swear they never missed a beat all these misinformed years.

James – Dr. Hellier.mp3
Speaking of bands that have reformed (or not), here’s James with a timely body-as-world analogy that speaks in metaphors about disease-as-international-tension, which is then completed through the titular Dr. Hellier’s invasion of the body/country via a Fantastic Voyage-esque capsule in an effort to save it/them/everyone from themselves/himself/itself.

Speaking of things we’ve spoken of before, James released an album in 2008, so it could be argued that they’ve been back for at least two years already. Not only that, but this mysterious MEK also recommended this tune and told me (more or less) to hijack his “Fantastic Voyage” description and claim it as my own.

Blancmange – The Game Above My Head.mp3
This track is everything good about the 80’s: huge, lush synthwork, chilly overtones, the faux-est of faux handclaps and minimal, oblique lyrics. It’s like an audible Nagel print. Not only that, but it was released in 1984 (on their second album, Mange Trout), the eightiest year of the 80’s.

It’s the kind of electro-perfection that’s bright enough to snare the pop tarts, yet dark enough to engage the goths.

 

Moullinex & Xinobi – Discotexas (Digitalfoxglove Mix).mp3
You absolutely know the title came first. And with a title this kickass, you have to follow through. Moullinex, in conjunction with Xinobi (with valuable support from Digitalfoxglove) do exactly that, laying down a vintage 909-ish 4/4, some big-as-Texas strings and anchoring the whole ball-o’-disco to some sexed-up slap bass.

-CLT

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I Survived! – True Stories of Human Survival Vol. 3

May 21, 2010

Last spotted in the wild on May 6th, but now enjoying a full recovery, it’s… I Survived! Vol. 3. Be sure and check out Vol. 1 and Vol. 2 if you haven’t already. They’re worth every minute of your time and contained brutal portraits of severely lost hipsters and extreme sportsmen. 

Case/IH issues a recall after the disastrous addition of a new "Invert" gear.

Ronald Hofer
On an early spring morning, Ronald Hofer plows his acreage in preparation for planting. As he negotiates a wide turn, a sudden tense change upsets the tractor, severed his arm and pinned both legs below the cab. 

The initial pain had subsided, which allowed Hofer to take stock of his situation. As he gazed at his pinned legs, he sensed that the outcome had already been decided and there was nothing to do but wait and see where this led. Hofer dialled back his already limited movement to “imperceptible” and conserved his energy. 

Ronald gazes intently at the cab and his pinned legs, filling with the sense that the outcome has suddenly shifted into “cloudy,” and that he should act quickly before the moment passes. He fishes in his overturned cab for his makeshift saw, which he hopes to use as a makeshift saw. Ronald knows that if he is going to have any shot at surviving this, the legs will have to go. 

“I knew that if I was going to have any shot at surviving this, the legs would have to go,” Hofer said. “Who knew how long the present tense would last? I just couldn’t take those chances.” 

As Hofer struggled against the odds, his surprisingly dense bones and the constantly shifting time, he was spotted by a passing cropduster and its third-person perspective. The pilot began a slow bank, having spotted what he thought was a crippled or mutated calf. 

“I heard the plane and began waving wildly with my one good arm, while bleeding profusely from the other,” said/says Hofer. 

Within minutes, Hofer was being flown to the nearest hospital where a crack team of surgeons was standing by. 

Hofer has retired from farming and now lives in Florida where he spends most of his waking hours staring at the clock suspiciously. 

Officer Lochman cites the motorist for being "unresponsive to police harassment."

Kingston Miles
While watching a Food Network cooking show and simultaneously preparing himself a light Ty Cobb Salad*, Miles becomes momentarily distracted by Giada’s plunging neckline and severs his right index finger. 

Horrified by the sudden spurt of blood across his former “Fruit/Veggies Only” cutting board, Miles’ innate analness deserts him, leading to a series of profoundly bad decisions. Faced with a myriad of options in a city full of modern conveniences, Miles chooses “none of the above” and slips into full panic mode. 

Rushing to his Boxster, leaving behind his keys, wallet and freshly-cut finger, Miles finds himself locked out of his own vehicle. He swiftly makes a bloody return to the kitchen, grabbing his keys. After a quick switchover, he starts the car and attempts to call up directions to the nearest ER on his GPS. 

Finding himself short one (1) “GPS Finger,” Miles unwisely decides (for the first time in his life) to “wing it,” and heads violently off in the wrong direction, ignoring his increasingly plaintive GPS. 

Miles momentarily regains his bearings while bleeding profusely at an overlong stoplight. Attempting to correct his course, Miles makes an illegal u-turn, which attracts the attention of a lightly-dozing patrolman, who is suddenly forced to slam on his brakes to avoid the arcing vehicle. 

After a brief pursuit, Miles is finally pulled over. He tells the police officer that he has severed a finger and needs to get to the hospital. The officer asks if he would like a ride, which Miles responds to by lapsing into unconsciousness. 

Realizing he would need assistance to move Miles’ unconscious body, the patrolman (Officer Lochman) decides to retire to the local coffee shop and contemplate his next move. Upon returning to the vehicle, Lochman is surprised to find it empty. A quick search of the scene reveals that Miles has indeed vacated the vehicle, a fact confirmed by the discovery of his passed-out body in a nearby ditch. 

Officer Lochman revives Kingston Miles and cites him for “leaving the scene of an accident,” “driving without a license” and “wasting law enforcement time.” Lochman also notes that Miles seems to be “irrational, severely disoriented and bleeding profusely.” He deposits Miles at the nearest ER for a quick psych eval. 

Unfortunately, Miles remains untreated, thanks to his lack of photo ID, valid insurance and general coherence. Unable to contact his wife, he languishes for several long (and expensive) hours in the ER, his pain only occasionally interrupted by various ER staffers who berate him for tying up their resources with what is obviously a “pre-existing” wound. 

Miles is finally treated (and reunited with his wife) after a Missing Persons report falls into the hands of Officer Lochman, who states that he did see somebody matching that description “stumbling around in a nearby ditch.” The local ER also claims a match, stating that they turfed the “malcontent” to the closest VD clinic so the “faker” could learn “a whole lot about being honest.” 

*Ty Cobb Salad
1 Head Lettuce, sliced violently
1 Bunch Watercress, hurled into bowl
6 Slices Bacon, beaten to bits
2 Avocados, pitted and scarred
1 Tomato, stabbed and seeded
2 Hard-Boiled Eggs, use whites only. Beat yolk senseless and toss into nearest alley.
2 Tbsp. Chives, chopped and blocked
1/3 cup Red Wine Vinegar (consume wine and allow bitterness to seep in over the years)
1 Tbsp. Dijon Mustard (hold in mouth briefly before spitting into nearest available eye)
2/3 Olive Oil (virginity not essential)
1/2 Cup Roquefort, grated across sharpened cleats
 

Mix all ingredients in glass bowl. Stir harshly. Rest briefly before throwing bowl through nearest window. Serves 1 broken home. 

-CLT

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Platitudes for a New Millenium Vol. 3

May 19, 2010
[Another abandoned concept dragged from the verge of complete annihilation! Will wonders never cease? I’m guessing they will. Cease, that is. Until then, enjoy Vol. 3 of Platitudes for a New Millenium, which coincidentally enough was proceeded by Vol. 1 and Vol. 2.]

Not only is it green as all hell, but look at the size of that yard!

“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”

Now, why is that?

It’s not as if you don’t try. Up at 4 a.m. to water. Long discussions on lawn treatment options at your local nursery. Experimental products recommended to you by the groundskeeper at the country club.

Even the home owner’s association has noticed, sending you a threatening letter concerning your inability to meet “adjoining lawn color intensity,” thereby disrupting “cul-de-sac curb appeal in regards to resident eyeflow.” They take care to point out that this is “nothing personal” but that they have no interest in seeing their property values dip because of your inability to color match.

Then he comes out to condescendingly hand out some unsolicited advice, all handshakes and warm clichés, wearing that sickening Enzyte smile.

Now you’re on 24-hour lawn surveillance, looking for his secret. Is he watering illegally? Could be. But you can’t stay awake 24/7. You’re already catching a lot of flak at the office thanks to your spotty attendance. You’re faring no better at home, having become little else than a twitching mass of paranoia.

Is he burying corpses for superior fertilizer?

It’s a distinct possibility. After all, he does own a shovel and is incredibly unlikable. Who buys a t-shirt that says, “Ask me about my golf handicap”? Obviously it’s much lower than yours. No one brings down that kind of ultra-competitive heat without something to back it up.

So very tired.

I'm just... um... birdwatching? Um... the birds in your... uh... garage?

Are you coming to bed? Not likely. That guy’s probably whipping up something containing depleted uranium and Miracle-Gro right now. No. He wants me to sleep. Just to gain another 2-3% in “lawn intensity.” That magnificent bastard!

What? Who am I talking to? I’m not… Fuck! He just went into the garage! Where’s my ski mask?

I have you now, my friend. Who goes into their garage at 2 a.m.? … I’m not talking to anybody! Just… weren’t you going to bed?

Shit. Where did he go?

Honey, grab me my night vision goggles. OK… thanks… Maybe next time you could bring them without the attitude?

Hey! These are 3-D glasses! My goggles! On the nightstand! Why… why do we have 3-D glasses readily available? Night vision goggles just make sense, but just to have these lying around… What is this, the seventies? I’m…

Oh… right… Avatar.

My goggles, honey. He’s making his move. Again, without the attitude would be great. You know, if I had a nickel for every time you’ve told me to go fuck myself over the last six weeks, we could have purchased that washer/dryer set you’ve been looking at.

No. The one with the stainless steel and LED screen.

The hell if I know. Sears?

You were looking at it while I was off at the Sharper Image pricing surveillance equipment… Let me worry about the legalities of those cameras. All I’m saying is that your negative attitude is swiftly nickel-and-diming us out of a new washer/dryer set.

We can discuss my “fundamental misunderstanding of how money works” later. The goggles, please. We’re burning moonlight.

What? Well, where the hell are they? … Your cousin? What the hell?

Without even bringing up the fact that they are not yours to lend, for someone so concerned with legality you sure seem to bypass that issue when it comes to your family members.

All I’m saying is that I’m pretty sure a restraining order is valid whether or not the other person can see you. You know, fuck it. I’m just going to get a dog and train it to pee in his yard.

Of course he’ll know whose it is. That’s kind of the point.

Well, I can always get more dogs. The pound is full of them.

Whatever. I’m out of here. Is my scuba gear still in the basement?

Never mind. I’ll get it. If you need me, I’ll be lurking in his koi pond. Don’t wait up.

-CLT

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Heavy Rotation Vol. 44 – South of the Border Edition

May 16, 2010

Pigface (who does not appear in this selection of tunes) sets the tone...

Between fiery arguments over immigration to Scott’s self-imposed exile amongst the close-but-oh-so-far-away ancestry, who isn’t fascinated with Mexico and parts beyond?

More “cultural” than neighboring Texas and twice as fun as “New” Mexico, Old Mexico is the land where anything can happen and usually does. When not providing a handy euphemism for oral sex, our South of the Border neighbors also provide visitors with quality entertainment like late night “donkey shows” and easy, anonymous abortions for their secretaries.

The advantageous exchange rate is also fun, allowing you to buy a year’s supply of Chicle for $5 and an entire policeman for $20.

So, prepare to hold tightly to your water supply and wallets as we head South of the Border for a fine selection of tunes reflecting the invigorating spirit of Latin America.

Rather just stay home? Lots to do right here:
The Heavy Rotation Archives

Daddy Yankee – Gasolina.mp3
While I am not generally a fan of the reggaeton scene, this Daddy Yankee tracks stands out with its Puerto Rican jeepbeat approximations and its “once upon a time a thug went to a rave” combination of synth melodies and Casio-esque drum builds. It all adds up to something more dangerous than its pedigree would suggest.

If there’s another song out there that conjures up riding shotgun with Vic Mackey as well as this one does, I haven’t heard it yet.

Juno Reactor – Pistolero (Fluke’s Hang Em High Mix).mp3
Speaking up conjuring up images, Juno Reactor’s surprise hit brings to mind dry, dusty shootouts and the kind of bloodletting that gets someone’s aerated corpse tossed into the nearest shallow body of water/vehicle trunk. Of course, this conjuring goes a lot easier when your tune is showcased in a major motion picture trailer. (Starting about 1:17.)

Fluke shows up to add a few drops of Morricone into the mix and some nice synth pulses, which complement the tasty bits of acoustic guitar strumming and vocal samples perfectly.

 

Mighty Dub Katz – Magic Carpet Ride (Ulti-Mix).mp3
A classic track from one of Fatboy Slim’s many alter egos. It has nothing to do with Steppenwolf and everything to do with bass, mariachi horns and pasting smiles across the faces of dancin’ fools. And try not to be one of those once this starts rolling. You’ll just wish you’d had the foresight to pick up a sombrero or two earlier.

(Of course, you can always come back here after acquiring the proper headgear. We’re always open.)

Pixies – Vamos.mp3
Black Francis and his fabulous Pixies head straight at you like a bunch of aggressive mariachis, firing off mangled border “Spanglish” over Bonham-esque drums. As you reel back and eye the emergency exit’s ill-timed “No Passar” sign, one of the guitarists starts slinging jagged shards and steel slivers of distortion in your general direction, possibly taking out that eye you were just using.

Might as well just grab some good old American dolares and brace yourself. They’re not done yet. The pace never lets up and the guitar keeps on being slung (?). Might as well sit back and enjoy some beautiful bastardized lyrics, as Francis sends the song out “con mi sister in New Jersey” and theorizes that:

We’ll be well-bred
We’ll stay well-fed
We’ll have all sons
They will be all well-hung

The children play
Their friends all say
Your daddy’s rich
Your mama’s a pretty thing

Frank Black – Calistan.mp3
After all the bumped bass, faux pistol shots and musical beatdowns from street performers, it’s time to relax. A reprise of sorts, with former Pixies lead singer Frank Black taking us down a few hundred years of Californian history in under 4 minutes.

Laced with some evocative guitarwork and some heartbreaking piano accents, Calistan’s all nostalgia and displacement, which is in no way diminished by Black’s “white boy” historical perspective and pronunciations.

Used to be sixteen lanes
Used to be Nuevo Spain
Used to be Juan Wayne
Used to be Mes-i-co
Used to be Nava-joe
Used to be Yippy-yay-I-don’t-know

... and provides this coda.

-CLT