[Hiatus swiftly turning into a sabbatical. Here’s another from the archives to keep the dust from settling… Pay close attention to the botched BTO joke. Originally published May 12, 2009.]
Summer’s on its way and it’s never to early to plan for a visit to garish Branson, Missouri. Birthplace of Richard Branson, CEO of Virgin Airlines, Branson offers many varied events for the discriminating traveler. In fact, nothing sums up the Branson experience more than discrimination!
- Jim Nabors Circus and Sideshow
- Bing Crosby: Fatherhood (6-drink minimum)
- Planter’s Nut Tasting: Spotlight on Filbert
- Blue Angels Flyover
- Branson Young Republicans Present: Beginner Trust Fund Investment
- UFC! 22
- American Idol Contestants #344, #12,077 and #61,008
- Infomercial Taping
- The Best of the Sanitized Internet: Brought to You by AOL
- Shat! – The Life and Times of America’s Most Beloved Entertainer. A William Shatner productions featuring William Shatner as himself.
- Andy Rooney: the Original Shock Jock
- The Hour of Power featuring the Reverend Al Sharpton
- Nickelback: 75 Minutes of Your Life That You’ll Never Have Back Tour
- Annie, Get Your Gun featuring Charlton Heston as himself
- Robert Fulghum: Tiresome Platitudes for Everyday Situations
- Estroven Presents: Hot Flashes of Passion featuring Air Supply and Rick Astley
- It Feels a Little Damp! Might Rain! Better Bring a Coat! – Daily weather brought to you by Up With People!
- Community Service Theater Presents: The Vagina Monologues featuring Dana Plato and Lisa Bonet
- Does This Look Done?: Your Guide to Branson’s Early-Bird Buffets
- Napalm Death – All Ages Show
- Rosie Grier’s Microwave Cookery and EMT Training
- Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner – starring Sinbad! and Carrie Prejean. Spencer Tracy’s role will be played by Brian Dennehy; Katherine Hepburn’s role will be played by C-3PO in a wig.
- Expired Copyright Film Festival
- Russell Simmon’s Def Comedy Jam
- Sansabelt Presents: Pat Boone in the Round
- David Cross Insults Your Belief System
- The Minor Chords: Barbershop Quartet Stylings from John Oates, Jim Messina, Art Garfunkel and Andrew Ridgeley
- Christopher Reeve in President for Life: The FDR Story (cancelled)
- An Evening with Mr. Donald Mills
- An Introductory Guide to Black Presidents
- Tony Robbins: The IMAX Experience
- Some of the Boys Are Back in Town! Three-fifths of Bachman-Turner Overdrive reunite to sing their greatest hit, over and over.
- Dame Edna’s Ballet of the Transgendered
- The Strangely Inappropriate Antics of the Stanford Marching Band
- Agreeing to Disagree: Your VCR and You
- American Flagg! – A Patriotic Musical
- Blissfully Unaware Productions Presents: Watersports: Fun pool activities to guaranteed to provide the most “bang” for your “gang!” Also included: Our famous Afternoon Delight Buffet including Ron J.’s famous footlongs, fish tacos, tossed salad, cream pies and the winning entries from our Caribbean Meat Jerk-Off!
- Who’s On First? starring Bill Buckner and Jack Clark (4-drink minimum)
- Panthers Can Be White: An introspective look at the MC5 and the revolution that never was
- Regis and Kathie Lee Together Again! – Now starring in David Mamet’s Sexual Perversity in Chicago
- Bitching About How Things Used to Be: Featuring commentary from Sinbad! (“Women be different than men”) and Yakoff Smirnoff (“Russia be different than America”).