Posts Tagged ‘U2’


The Stabbing Knife Vol. 4 – Bono

January 14, 2010

Not crazy. Just stabby.

[After a 2-month hiatus, the Stabbing Knife returns! And it brought presents! Nice, stabbed little presents! Awww… And yes, I have stabbed before.]

Once upon a time, there was a nice, earnest lad named Bono. He fronted a nice, earnest band who wished to make the world a better place. Or at least improve his own country where, when they weren’t warily eyeing their potato reserves, they were blowing each other the fuck up over religious differences.

Remember this guy? So young and idealistic. And turtlenecked.

But then he grew up. And so did his band. They discarded their veneer of Christianity and set out to become the Most Important Band in the World.

They sold millions of albums and made millions of dollars.

But still Bono’s heart ached.

When he wasn’t busy counting his money or shouldering the weight of the world or getting stuck in a malfunctioning lemon, he was alone in the back of his private jet, hunched over a MacBook writing screeds against Western conspicuous consumption and how to save the planet using his bold, Irish ideals and other people’s money.

And then Bono, head steadily inching its way up his own ass, caught a fleeting, non-anally blocked glimpse at the latest P&L for U2, Inc. and got righteously pissed.

And when he got angry, he got stupid.

We’re used to his manager’s stupidity. Paul McGuinness is an idiot. He’s made a number of dubious claims and attention-grabbing statements in the effort to wring a little more money out of everybody from MSN to random ISPs to Joe Downloader.*

*Not his real name.

Here’s a few choice quotes:

“I suggest we shift the focus of moral pressure away from the individual P2P file thief and on to the multibillion dollar industries that benefit from these countless tiny crimes. The ISPs [internet service providers] the telcos [telecoms companies], the device-makers.”

On Silicon Valley:

“Embedded deep down in the brilliance of those entrepreneurial, hippy values seems to be a disregard for the true value of music.”

Entrepreneurial? Hippies? ???

His theory seems to be that the Internet service providers need to pay because they’re making a ton of money trafficking in illegal downloads.

Let’s do some math: I pay $39.95/month for my internet connection. If I download 0 free music files, I pay $39.95/mo. If I download 25,000 free music files, I pay $39.95/mo. Granted, some ISPs do tiered pricing based on use, but they’re not very popular and they won’t last for long.

Here’s some more.

On Radiohead’s pay-what-you-want release:

“It’s important to remember the traditional worldwide star-making functions of the big record companies. There’s nothing on the horizon to replace that.”

Hmmm. We can just let that one go.

Here’s a beauty:

“I started to glimpse the politics of it at that stage. I hope that our politicians, our journalists, our media gain a sense of how much we stand to lose if free prevails. Ultimately free is the enemy of good. “

...and I said, "Google, find me a metaphoric picture for obtuseness..."

But now Bono’s gone and topped him. In his latest for the New York Times, Bono suggests that we look to China for the solution to pirated media:

“But we know from America’s noble effort to stop child pornography, not to mention China’s ignoble effort to suppress online dissent, that it’s perfectly possible to track content.”

Bono doesn’t need a manager. He needs an editor. He may have thrown the modifier “ignoble” in there, but he still wants the same ends, which will then allow him to justify the means. Or to put it another way, “ignoble” when it affects Bono’s privacy but rather more noble when it’s unleashed on the thieving hordes that are The Internet. 

At what point do you decide that it’s OK for you to hold up (however badly worded) one of the world leaders in “Human Rights Violated” as a solid business model, and even worse, a solid government model?

Who here thinks it would be a great idea for the government to install tracking software on every new computer? Who thinks that the government (and their best friends, big failing media) should have the keys to everything you do online? Does anyone actually feel this will turn out well? That the wrongdoers will be caught and punished and the Most Important Band in the World can begin stocking up on ivory backscratchers again?

Or will it turn into the tragic farce that is today’s mommy-state/fucked legal system that does immensely stupid things like turn “sexting” teens into child-porn possessing sex offenders?

Bono takes a moment to reflect on how truly fucked he is financially.

The overwhelming arrogance and crass stupidity of Bono’s article boggles the mind. Just because your business doesn’t run the way it used to is no reason for you to use your considerable wealth and power to try to legislate and litigate your way back into an acceptable profit margin.

Major labels: you lost. The battle is over and the only thing you can do is lash out by harassing, fining, suing and jailing random individuals. It’s not winning you any more fans and it’s certainly not cobbling together some sort of time machine to the mid-90’s jackpot that was CD sales.

And who bitches about this lost revenue the most? The richest, fattest artists. U2, Metallica, Garth Brooks, the Cure, KISS. All of them mention the “little indie bands” as if those were the ones affected the most.

The indie bands have moved on. The RIAA, ASCAP, BMI, etc. are all taking care of lining their own pockets and the top 5% of their stables.

Bono should know better. He said it himself:

“It’s not the place for rich rock stars to ask for more money, but somebody should fight for fellow artists, because this is madness. Music has become tap water, a utility, where for me it’s a sacred thing, so I’m a little offended.”

I guess he couldn’t help himself. And his advice to the movie and television industries, which he feels are next to be downloaded to death? Do the same shit that didn’t work for us, only harder and faster.

To reiterate: Bono, a singer from a country with serious anarchy leanings, recommends an all-knowing government should start following China’s lead into a bold, new era of human rights violations and privacy invasion. Just so that he and the other top 5% of musicians can finally get more of the money that they’re already getting a sizeable chunk of.

Fuck you, Bono.

Fuck you if for no other reason than you made me end a sentence in a preposition.



Heavy Rotation Vol. 18

October 11, 2009

Hey! We’re finally legal. Thank god for that. All these so-called formative posts have finally paid off, turning us into the glorious creature of well-endowed musicality that we are today.

Check out our new Selective Service card, all shiny and potentially deadly. Oh, and we can vote! Exciting good times all around. We’ll celebrate with a boozeless party that’s sure to draw only family members and acquaintances looking to get into our pants.

No more dealing with uncomfortable leers or repeated requests for “ASL?” Prepare to be rocked in the most adult, but responsible, fashion. 

Previous underage volumes available here:
The Heavy Rotation Archives


Negativland – U2
Smart asses of the highest order, the members of negativland took on the most important band in the world with this single, featuring kazoos, U2 samples and an extended profane rant from America’s sweetheart, Kasey Casem.

Needless to say, much lawsuiting followed and nobody came out a winner. Except for you, as the song is now yours to enjoy. In fact, much of their catalog has been turned over for Creative Commons usage as the negativland members are obviously no fan of copyright. Enjoy in good health and a clear conscience.



Mylo – Destroy Rock N Roll (Tom Neville Mix)
Bedroom producer Mylo cranks out the clubber’s fight song, offering to take out several bands in the name of electronics, via the unhinged ranting of Church Universal and Triumphant elder. Severely truncated in video form, although it does get the point across in a very stylish fashion. Enjoy the much longer version, available at the download link below.



Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip – Thou Shalt Always Kill
As long as we’re knocking iconic bands and killing rocknroll, let’s go ahead and get all confrontational with major corporations, NME, pop idols, the Beatles, Led Zeppelin, the Clash, the Cure and the list goes on and on and on. A very clever rant, peppered with nearly club-friendly beats and pointed fingers singling out pretentiousness, hypocrisy and bandwagon-jumpers of all persuasions.



PQM – You Are Sleeping (Luke Chable Vocal Pass Mix)
A banging floor-filler with some wicked flanging and gated reverb that would kill the club even without the clincher: a fucked-up and brutally truthful monologue dealing with the junkie mentality. I’ll go ahead and include the rant below as I know “repetitive club beats” are a tough sell. The person providing the spoken dialogue remains unknown, but it sounds a hell of a lot like William S. Burroughs.

You pick up this working girl
hooked on smack
hustles and scores
that’s all I do she says
she says, ten bucks for head, fifteen for half-and-half
three hits a day a thirty-five per

you say
that’s at least seven tricks a day
but she says, sometimes I get lucky
once a guy gave me a bill and a half just to eat me
only time I ever came

you think you can save her

you hock your color tv
it keeps her off the street a whole day
your typewriter for one jolt
then your shotgun, your watch
a week later you say, listen I’m a little short
but she says, no scratch no snatch

you say, look it is better to give
she says, beat off creep

One night they bust you on the street in your skivvies
trying to sell your shoes
you tell them who you are but they nail you

she happens by
she says, christ you look fucked
she says, hang tough

you don’t say anything
you just think
what a bum rap for a nice sensitive guy like me



M.I.A. – Paper Planes (Remix Feat. Bun B & Rich Boy)
As is the case with nearly every white boy, I have a somewhat secret love for both hip and hop. Perhaps it was my formative years as a DJ. Maybe it was that horrible experience at summer camp that the surviving members vowed never to speak of again, a promise we all kept until the surviving members began dying off one by one…

Well, whatever it was, enjoy this with no reservations or white boy copouts (it’s actually a form of dancing). Hip hop is rarely described as “beautiful,” but M.I.A.’s standout single could be. But just in case it all seems a little to “twee” (another word that never describes hip hop, unless we’re talking De La Soul…), Bun B and Rich Boy show up to gangsta up the joint.

All mp3’s zipped up in an aptly-named zip file for easy downloading and transport:
Heavy Rotation Vol. 18


[All music posted on Fancy Plans… is kick ass and too awesome to be contained. All music is also posted temporarily and, due to it’s high level of ass-kicking, should not be distributed without a prescription and care should be taken while operating heavy equipment or dancing around the living room (clothing optional, but do remember that the blinds are open/kids are still awake).
Should you wish to have your brilliant artistic statement forced back into confinement, please email me at Feel free to leave a comment, as that will probably be noticed sooner.
By all means, if you like what you hear (and you will), please support the totally rocking artist(s) by purchasing some music or heading out to see them live.]