Posts Tagged ‘Prepubescent’

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Searchfest! Vol. 1

December 13, 2010

An intermittent roundup of what people are actually looking for when they stumble across our homepage. (“How intermittent?” I hear you ask. [Presses “Mute”.])

(Note: those of you fearing for the future of the world after reading through this probably NSFW list should keep in mind that some of these searches are singular, so it’s probably just a loose confederation of perverts rather than some sort of worldwide breakdown in ethics/spelling.)
  • alien sex fiend
  • slint
  • rick james

[Can’t go wrong with these first three. We’ve always had a bit of a musical slant and to be the go-to source for ASF is a very fine thing indeed.]

  • hellfish hoax

[Cryptozoology: another one of our major endeavors. Apparently.]

  • velva sheen tee

[I blame RF for this. This and the worldwide popularity of soccer/football/futbol.]

  • black boy vintage

[With enough vintage, I would presume you kind of have to start referring to them as “men.”]

  • prepubescent

[Ted, knock it off. That’s a company computer.]

  • breech presentation

[We do know pregnancy, esp. complications thereof.]

  • nobunny do the fuck youreself

[A recent addition, now with extraneous remix!]

  • president willard harvard

[Whom?]

  • delivery room
  • woman pregnancy drink

[The ends justifying the means while also searching for the liter-a-day justification.]

  • kids flowchart of the malting system

[Honestly, kids need to understand the malting system better. It’ll help them decide which beer should be purchased for them by their 21-year-old Uncle Enabler.]

  • appetite for destruction banned cover value
  • wolfgang amadeus mozart
  • wolfgang amadeus mozart pictures

[These are all related, but some are more related than others.]

  • pregnant women picture drinking

[Sorry, mom. I was going to take the photo down but it’s drawing so many pageviews!]

  • scrooge’s christmas carol

[Revisionist history.]

  • lion tamer school

[Se habla espanol.]

  • Волфганг Амадеус Мозарт

[Ебать да!]

  • donald duck dick

[Limited edition collector’s plate.]

  • douglas adams remix

[This is remarkably specific.]

Precisely.

  • guide to binge

[Do whatever. Excessively.]

  • hurted penis

[A well-placed dickpunch often strips away grammatical functions, if only temporarily.]

  • bangin naked chicks

[What the fuck? Did the rest of the internet suddenly run out of porn?]

  • john denver in a santa hat

[And nothing else.]

  • grinderman+bellringe blues+meaning

[Bellringe blues, n., sl. – To have caught your “bell-end” in a hand wringer whilst trying to proposition the laundrywoman.]

  • inanimate object affection

[Syn., necrophilia.]

  • christmas shoppers paradise carter usm free mp

[Spend your money, girls, on sprays and lipsticks/Tested on bunnies, girls, strays and misfits]

  • gravity powered naked girls

[Nothing is more flattering for naked girls than hundreds of pounds of centrifugal force.]

Shortly after this shot was taken, Karen was hit by a bouquet of roses, suffering multiple fractures and contusions.

  • boy 5-stick-figure

[That’s not a boy. That’s Karen Carpenter.]

  • spelunking jokes

[We’re up to Volume 8 already…]

  • andrew eldtritch hat

[Near-mint condition. Never exposed to the sun’s rays. Smells faintly of fog and acrimony.]

  • longest blonde hair

[Little know fact: Rapunzel? Actually Jewish.]

  • harvard university degree

[I can print you out one right now. My Lexmark sports near-professional 320 dpi.]

If you squint, it looks like someone's having some sex...

  • alien sex picture

[Most likely resulted in the above, rather than you know, actual aliens getting their freak on.]

  • stevie wonder songbook download

[It’s incredibly hard to download braille. Might need some sort of codec…]

  • doll girl naked

[Ted. Seriously. They log everything.]

  • breech position at weeks

[Information for “null” weeks is pretty hard to come by.]

  • prepubecant girls

[Ted? Could you meet me in the IT lab? And turn your spell-checker on.]

  • human league pics

[Still tops in the universe!]

-CLT

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