Posts Tagged ‘Eazy-E’


Heavy Rotation 65: Man in Black Edition

March 6, 2011

[Featuring Johnny Cash and a host of co-conspirators, including Kissed Her Little Sister, Alabama 3, DJ Topcat (who brings along Eazy-E), and Apparat. Does not contain Social Distortion. If you’d like a track removed, please contact me at]

Previous versions available here:
The Heavy Rotation Archives


Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the author of the Hardy Boys series, Franklin W. Dixon. First off: his name wasn’t Franklin W. Dixon. Secondly: he hated writing them. Thirdly: here’s some additional speculation about where the series could have gone, written by some half-assed “humor” blogger.

I bitch a lot about McSweeney’s but when they get it right, they fucking get it right. Bastards.

Looking for a new band name? Here’s 10,000 suggestions.

Johnny Cash – Johnny Yuma Theme.mp3

The Wild West as the Man in Black always imagines it: as violent as it is tragically romantic. The unjust are punished. The just endure tragedy. And behind every mysterious anti-hero is a woman who is doomed to be left behind, whether the man’s destination is Albuquerque or an early grave.

“If you done wrong
Better keep your back against the wall
Keep a loaded forty-four, man
Better watch that right hand”

Johnny Cash – Restless Kid (Demo).mp3

Pure JC. Gotta blow town. It’s as dead as the man in front of me. Don’t hassle me with questions. Or love. Always on the run. Too tired to live. Too restless to die.

“None of your business where I’ve been
Don’t ask me where I’m from
Run your ranch and punch your cows
And stay behind my gun”

Johnny Cash – Rusty Cage.mp3

From much later in his career. Listen in awe as JC self-assuredly hands Soundgarden’s ass to them. Easily one of the greatest covers ever recorded.

Kissed Her Little Sister – Cocaine.mp3

It’s hard to tell exactly what the fuck is going on here. Or why. But here’s the breakdown:

A Midnight Juggernauts-esque cover of Johnny Cash’s classic murder ballad, which is propelled by a heft Pink Floyd sample and some snippets of a very familiar cartoon theme song.

It’s hard to take it all seriously but random gadgetry aside, Kissed Her Little Sister kicks out a pleasantly menacing listen.

Alabama 3 – Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.mp3

Alt-techno-country-blues artists Alabama 3 know the best way to pay tribute to a legend. First off, spend a little time setting the stage by taking shots at today’s so-called “country” music, which has about as much in common with the genre Cash pioneered as MC Hammer does with gangster rap.

Once that’s out of the way, let his words do the talking. And by talking, I mean string together a list of song titles into a somewhat plausible narrative, delivering an homage via an extended in-joke. Give it a bit of down home twang and a dash of ricocheting electronics and voila, an instant classic that exudes nothing but straight up love for the Man in Black.

DJ Topcat – Folsom Prison Gangstaz (Eazy-E vs. Johnny Cash).mp3

Once again, a classic remains un-fucked-with as DJ Topcat envisions pioneering gangster rapper Eazy-E and pioneering icon Johnny Cash sitting side-by-side trading lines while awaiting their parole hearings. I’d have to imagine that if Cash was alive today, he’d approve. He’s always been a criminal deep down inside, one that never expected redemption but rather expressed gratitude when any light shone his way. Eazy-E may have been nothing but a rhyming thug, but his cocksure, ultra-laidback flow rides shotgun with the shuffle of Cash’s original as if predestined.


Behold. The missing Apparat remix:

Johnny Cash – I Heard That Lonesome Whistle Blow (Apparat Mix).mp3

The first unwritten rule of remixing is do not fuck with a classic. Apparat knows this, delivering a remix that’s respectful without being a simple, kiss ass-y minimal exercise. If anything, Apparat’s addition of distended beats and waves of reverb makes Cash sound lonelier than he’s ever been in his life. There’s somewhat of a breakdown towards the midsection that further amplifies the heartache lying between the words.



Dollar Store Shopping Spree

May 29, 2009
Color costs extra.

Color costs extra.

Ah, the $1 store. Home of non-FDA-approved household items, has-been celebrity-endorsed items and factory rejects from around the world. The following is just a small sampling of the bargains to be found at your nearest buck boutique.


  • Funky Bunches of Oats
  • Prince of Tides Breakfast Cereal
  • Ramen Helper
  • Spicy-Ohs Pasta in Habanero Sauce: Twice the Fun of Regular Ohs!
  • J.Q. Butterkist Popcorn-Flavored Corn Chips
  • Imitation Margarine
  • Michael & Isaac Fruit-Flavored Chews
  • Nerks (Hamish Industries’ foray into the lucrative candy field)
  • Grade A Large Rooster Eggs
  • Speed Freak Energy Drink (Contains essential vitamins and methamphetamines)
  • Gatorade: Fig Rush!
  • Tastee-Aid Colored Beverage Mix (New flavor: purple!)
  • Wintergreen Pepsi
  • Xena!: the Animated Series Fruit Snacks (Flavors include: apricot, tomato, plantain, purple)
  • Donald Mill’s Signature Candy Selection: Black licorice, butterscotch hard candy, Starlite mints, anise chews, butter mints, rye Lifesavers


  • Flounce Fabric Softener
  • Seed Packets: Kudzu, Milkweed, Brussels Sprouts, Mulberry & Turnips
  • $2 Whore Makeup Set (Half-Off!)
  • 3 Pk. Notebooks: Community-College Ruled (Extra Wide)
  • Home Lead Testing Kit (Warning: Contains Lead)
  • Not Pig Shit Fuel: Methane Refill Pack
  • Narco-Leptic Cough Syrup (Drank 2 and Call Me from the E.R.!)
  • 3-Prong to 2-Prong Cord Regression Kit (Contains: tin snips, large warning label)
  • Tan Your Own Pleather Kit
  • Old Navy $1 Flip-Flops (form orderly line, please)
  • Herbal Essence Mouthwash (A refreshing blast of ginseng and nightshade!)
  • Snorks Chewable Vitamins
  • Burlap Swabs
  • Gold Bond Unmedicated Powder (no active ingredients)
  • J.B. Weld Liquid Bandages
  • 8-Month Calendar (Does not include February, June, September and parts of May and December)
  • Dr. Scholl’s Baby Powder
Helloooooooo Branson! Anyone here from the Midwest?

Helloooooooo Branson! Anyone here from the Midwest?


  • Sony Mavica Digital Camera
  • Size “B” Batteries
  • 90 Min. Mem-O-Rexx Audio Cassettes with Patented “Dobly” Noise Reduction
  • “Blank” Videocassette: Contains part of Steel Magnolias recorded off a USA Network broadcast
  • The Best of Oh That Jason!
  • Tracy Chapman’s Greatest Hits (Does not include Fast Car or Give Me One Reason)
  • Tom Daschle Tax Software (2007 Edition)
  • Paystation 3 (The fun of saving money in the shape of the entertainment system you’ll never afford!)
  • Videogame: the Videogame (100 Breakout variations and 1 shitty Tetris knockoff)
  • Faces of Death 3 in a Cartoon Cavalcade package
  • The Chevy Chase Show: Episodes 1-4
  • Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead: the Criterion Collection
  • The Holy Bible on Tape: Read by Kirk Cameron
  • Every album Fu Manchu ever made
  • TimeMaster Calculator Watch (Accurate Up to Twice a Day!)
  • Takin’ Care of Business!: Bachman-Turner Overdrive Live at the Branson, Mo. Civic Center 2009! (cassette only)


  • 1000 Ct. Mixed Caps (Contains Less Than 50% Duds!)
  • Fondle Me Elmo: *giggle* You’re going to jail, shorteyes!
  • Bible Playset: The Book of Numbers Matryoshka Dolls (Beget and beget and beget – the fun keeps shrinking!)
  • John Rocker Talking Doll (Says Nine Offensive Phrases!)
  • Steve Guttenberg Action Figure
  • Zimbabwean Play Money
  • Michael Vick Rookie Cards
  • Lil’ Gardner Kit (Contains: shovel, hat, rutabaga seeds, diazinon, subsidy check)
  • Lil’ Artist Set (Contains: beret, guide for mixing primary colors, burnt sienna crayon, lifetime unemployment)
  • Bingo Cards (No “Free” Space)
  • Eazy-E Lil’ Gangsta Playset (Contains: Oakland Raiders cap, bandanna, plastic Glock, AIDS)
  • Sinister Ducks Board Game


  • All Cows Go to Heaven: the Chicago Meatpacker’s Rebuttal to Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle
  • Pop-Up Book of Intestinal Disorders
  • Where’s Waldo?: Misprint Edition
  • Oprah Winfrey’s Diet of the Month: How I Lost 80 Pounds and Kept it Off!
  • Scary Movie novelisation
  • Mediocrity Complex: the Chad Kroeger Story (by Chad Kroeger and John Updike)
Miraculously turns unlit hallways into lit hallways.

Miraculously turns unlit hallways into lit hallways.


  • $2 Whore (50% Off!)
  • Grandma Brand Sunglasses
  • Herpes Simplex (Free!: See Cashier)
  • Semi-Temporary Tattoos: Contains lysergic acid and caustic soda
  • Ennui for Men (cologne)
  • Moodkiller Bodywash by Axe (5 gal. container)
  • Head Lice (Free!: Master P’s Hat Collection – Aisle 4)
  • Jesus Nightlight (As I went to the bathroom/fridge, I saw two sets of footprints…)
  • Factory Second Bumper Stickers – Includes:
    – Honk if You’re Sexually Frustrated
    – Milwaukee is for Lovers
    – My Other Car is a Moderately Priced Sedan, Also
    – God is My Co-Signer
    – Dick Cheney/Alice Cooper 2012
    – Is That a Restraining Order in Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
    – I Can Go from 0-Bitch for No Apparent Reason
    – Beam Me Up, Scotty; I’m With Stupid
    – No Stereo
    – Calvin urinating on Hobbes