Posts Tagged ‘All My Children’

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This Week’s Featured Soap Operas

October 16, 2009

TV party tonight! TV party tonight! We’ve got nothing better to do, than watch TV all afternoon long with only our many cats and boxes of wine for company.

(Please note that this crass generalization was made for comic effect. I am only insinuating that soap opera fans are lonely people with several cats and a drinking problem.)

... have been written the fuck out of my will, the little shits.

... have been written the fuck out of my will, the little shits.

This week on the All My Children
Erica is traded to The Young and the Restless for $30,000 in cash and a player to be named later. Leo lights cigar, puts feet on desk and stares at the ceiling. Maggie is surprised to see the Dow is off in mixed trading. Leo’s evil twin surfaces; is dismissed as a tired plot device. Zach celebrates the Chinese New Year by ordering some takeout; blowing up several small office buildings. Kendall’s suicide attempt doesn’t “take,” leading to some uncomfortable conversations with those she singled out in her suicide note. Greenlee wins second prize in a beauty contest, which she immediately applies to her mortgage on Baltic Avenue.

Barely ahead of "One Life to Waste" in the ratings.

Barely ahead of "One Life to Waste" in the ratings.

This week on One Life to Live
Agnes’ decision to buy a new hat results in a domestic disturbance call. Amanda blames her latest affair on “gout complications.” Bo instigates a brawl with the phrase, “I’m all out of bubblegum;” spends the next 20 minutes getting the shit kicked out of him in the alley. Blair trips over some dialogue; accidentally breaks fourth wall. In a very special episode, Cole discovers it is better to give than to receive, especially in regards to “donkey punches.” Langston’s increasing friction with the writers results in him lapsing into an indefinite catatonic state. Charlie finally receives State Food Safety Certification; celebrates with a case of Old Milwaukee, salmonella. Natalie confronts her birth parents about their suddenly convoluted backstory.

-CLT

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This Week’s Featured Soap Operas

August 25, 2009
... except you. You're adopted.

... except you. You're adopted.

This week on All My Children
A horrible secret from Bianca’s past comes back to haunt her, mainly by opening cupboard doors and flipping the lights on and off. At a dinner party, Greenlee discovers Leo’s autobiography manuscript and drunkenly mocks him. Maggie slips into something “more comfortable.” Bianca handles some exposition. Kendall gets a surprise late night phone call from her podiatrist, resulting in a frantic search for size 4EEE shoes. Zach visits an ATM. Babe asks Dixie to lend her $50 for “gas and whatever, until Friday.” JR Chandler holds rocks glass; stares intently into mid-distance.

OLTL debuts their Jeopard crossover.

OLTL debuts their Jeopardy crossover.

This week on One Life to Live
Rex discovers he has brain cancer; begins physician-ordered regimen of heavy drinking and spousal abuse. Agnes threatens to “choke a bitch.” Nigel makes a string of thoughtful and cautious investments. Natalie gets a good night’s rest after a short, uneventful day. Oliver deals with an embarrassing issue when his check is declined at the liquor store. Bo blames her latest embezzlement attempt on her glaucoma. Addie installs new windshield wipers. Jared and Charlie work together to track down source of disembodied voices speaking earlier lines of dialogue.

-CLT