Posts Tagged ‘50 Cent’

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Heavy Rotation Vol. 36

March 21, 2010

Another week, another set of stone classics. Of course, musical taste being subjective and all, you may find these to be near-classics or perhaps ultimately forgettable. But how often have I steered you wrong? (Thanks for not answering honestly.) Prepare to have your socks (and delicates beyond) rocked off. Welcome to Vol. 36.

Here’s where the other 35 are:
The Heavy Rotation Archives

Evil Nine – All the Cash (DJ Version).mp3
When people talk about rappers “spitting” and their “flow,” this is what they mean. El-P (originally of Company Flow and producer for Cannibal Ox and Aesop Rock) fires out bitter lyrics, punctuating the rise and fall of Evil Nine’s patented dark and fuzzy breakbeats. Everything intertwines so amazingly that the song would only be half of what it is with either contributor taking the day off.

Televison Personalities – Eminem Song.mp3
As one of the hardest bands to pin down stylistically, the Television Personalities have revolved around Dan Treacy’s personal vision, which follows muses into dark alleys like fey ’60s-era pop or psychedelic-tinged post-punk wandering.

This, however, is a complete piss-take. Treacy borrows a beat from Marshall Mathers and spends the next three minutes riding a mastodon made of irony all over the legend of Eminem and fires a few warning shots at Moby and P.Diddy along the way. Treacy knows who’s back and could care less, riding his sloppy approximation of modern hip hop into the ground and punctuating it with both a death wish (“Apparently there was a hooker was sucking his cock/and he was smoking a rock/That’s the way to go!”) and a throwaway kiss-off (“We can’t all be Franz Ferdinand…”). Kickassic. (Hat tip to Alan Truitt’s amazing music collection.)

The White Panda – Got Some Stratosphere (Obie Trice vs. Junkie XL).mp3
White Panda, comprising of mashup producers Procrast and DJ Griffi, grabs ahold of Obie Trice’s 2004 minor hit and makes it play nice with some rather bouncy electro-house from Junkie XL. More fun than a barrel of ecstasy and a hell of a lot easier on your gray matter.

Bounce along as Obie Trice runs down his list of female standards as he enters the club (no fat chicks, no silicone, no kids), but by the end of the long, drunken night, he’s just hoping that “she got some teeth.”

DSL – Stupid Bitches (DatA Remix).mp3
Not a whole lot of info on the artists here, other than they are originally from the West Indies and claim the twin muses of rum and ecstasy. Distributed by Ed Banger and featuring the remix talents of the godawesome DatA, Stupid Bitches may be misogynistic (and the artwork above certainly doesn’t help) but since Google Translate won’t let me shove the tune into their dialog box, I’ll never know.

Either way, it travels along so amiably that you’ll probably find yourself singing the infectious chorus out loud, earning you the eternal hatred of passing strangers.

DJ Le Clown – In Da Black (50 Cent vs. AC/DC vs. the Scissor Sisters).mp3
Another week, another high-quality mashup. This time it’s DJ Le Clown and it’s got everything you need to devastate the next party you attend. 50 Cent for the hip hop crowd. AC/DC to grab the rockers. And the Scissor Sisters to snag the indie kids who have been leaning against the wall all night bitching about the music choices.

-CLT

[All music posted on Fancy Plans… is kick ass and too awesome to be contained. All music is also posted temporarily and, due to its high level of ass-kicking, should not be distributed without a prescription and care should be taken while operating heavy equipment or dancing around the living room (clothing optional, but do remember that the blinds are open/kids are still awake).
Should you wish to have your brilliant artistic statement forced back into confinement, please email me at 2timegrime@gmail.com. Feel free to leave a comment, as that will probably be noticed sooner.
By all means, if you like what you hear (and you will), please support the totally rocking artist(s) by purchasing some music or heading out to see them live.]
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Heavy Rotation Vol. 27 – Bootlegger’s Delight

December 13, 2009

As promised/threatened, a Heavy Rotation full of mashups and bootlegs. It’s a magical place where 1+1 = whatever you want it to be. Get ready to sing along as frontin’ mcs find themselves draped all over beats and melodies they wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot Roland 808.

Previous, less tangled volumes available here:
The Heavy Rotation Archives

Diamonds – Margherita Hustle
First up, we have two selections from Diamonds, an omnipresent fixture of the Chicago/Milwaukee electro scene. The first selection drops Rick Ross over a lighthearted and bubbly late period Herb Alpert sort of track. I have no idea who provides the backing music and can’t seem to find more info anywhere. If anyone knows what it is, I’d be somewhat eternally grateful (based on trends toward immortality).

Diamonds – Miami Vice Unit
The second selection finds 50 Cent’s G-Unit riding shotgun with Jan Hammer in a speeding cigarette boat. Not as infectious as the previous track, but still a hell of a lot of fun.

DJ Paul V – Tequila Lip Gloss (Lil Mama vs. the Champs)
Does what it says on the tin. Lil Mama’s ode to beauty products gets busy with some incredibly drunk faux-Mexicans. And everyone always says nothing good comes from pounding tequila all night long (Tia Tequila notwithstanding).

Fat Joe & Lil Wayne vs. Hot Butter – Make It Rain Popcorn (DJ Johnatron Edit)
Hey kids! Selling drugs provides the sellers with mad cash! Mad cash they will soon be throwing wildly around in the club! I mean, in da club!

Get down to the novelty disco sounds of Hot Butter and throw down with the baddest pushers this side of legality.

Lil Jon vs. Zombie Nation – Act A Fool (Flosstradamus “Ravestradamus” Mix)
Flosstradamus does us all an inadvertent favor, dragging Lil Jon crack-addled hollering into the nearest rave. Tales of drunken shenanigans mesh pleasurably with Zombie Nation’s inescapable hit, which should soon have you rapping like you’ve never rapped before and chanting rhythmically like you haven’t since Blur released Song #2.

All files made to “play nice” and zipped for easy transmission:
Heavy Rotation 27
(link opens in new window)

-CLT

[All music posted on Fancy Plans… is kick ass and too awesome to be contained. All music is also posted temporarily and, due to its high level of ass-kicking, should not be distributed without a prescription and care should be taken while operating heavy equipment or dancing around the living room (clothing optional, but do remember that the blinds are open/kids are still awake).
Should you wish to have your brilliant artistic statement forced back into confinement, please email me at 2timegrime@gmail.com. Feel free to leave a comment, as that will probably be noticed sooner.
By all means, if you like what you hear (and you will), please support the totally rocking artist(s) by purchasing some music or heading out to see them live.]
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NIMF Presents: Blacklisted Video Games

June 17, 2009

The National Institute on Media and Family presents their 2009 list of games that no one should be allowed to play along with a list of hyperbolic adjectives and recommended alternates. If you’ve got a youngster whose mellow you’d like to harsh, just follow the suggestions below:

O.J.'s scenario for how he might have done it was more horrible than anyone could have imagined

O.J.'s scenario for how he might have done it was more horrible than anyone could have imagined

If I Did It
Reenact the Simpson/Goldman murders and subsequent low-speed getaway. Combines the visceral thrill of any quality “murder simulator” with the tedious realism of Penn & Teller’s Desert Bus.

Recommended instead:
The Hunt for the Real Killers – Enjoy a relaxing round of golf with your caddy, former NFL running back, O.J. Simpson.

Guitar Hero: Masters of Backmasking
For experts only! Play all of your favorite rock tracks backward. As the challenge level increases, so do the exhortations to kill your parents, friends, family pets, television, and idols.

Recommended instead:
Acoustic Guitar Hero: Al DiMeola

World of Warcraft: Intervention
New additions like Level 80 Horse Armor translates to hours of thankless grinding, urinating into MTN Dew bottles and locking the infants in the closet. Additional bonus content includes: in-game eBay access (spending real money on fake stuff) and Gold Farm Startup Kit (Korean teenager not included).

Recommended instead:
Cubicle Farm– Put mindless repetition to productive use by filing work orders, filling out office supply requests in triplicate, surreptitiously updating your MySpace page and carrying around a clipboard (Look of Busyness +3)

Careful. While the other three may try to distract you with their 3-part caterwauling, Gene Simmons is in the kitchen schtupping your mother...

Careful. While the other three may try to distract you with their 3-part caterwauling, Gene Simmons is in the kitchen schtupping your mother...

KISS Saves Christmas
Despite their temporary acronym change to “Knights in Santa’s Service,” the boys in KISS still wear their ridiculous garb while touting many traditions based on ancient pagan religions (Christmas trees, gift giving, slaughtering the firstborn male).

Recommended instead:
Nothing. Sit there and enjoy your new sweater, Bobby. Millions of children get no Christmas presents at all. They’re called Jews.

Mortal Kombat: Bloodletting
Featuring 64 kombatants and brand new fatalities including: waterboarding, dirty bomb, e. coli, wrath of God, Colombian necktie, heroin overdose, Drew Peterson, office rampage.

Recommended instead:
Moral Kombat – Don the Armor of the Lord (Judging +4; INT -35) to defeat sin (well, sinners actually). Wage battle against Hindus, Krishnas, Muslims, Gays, the Hilton family, Disney Corp., the liberal media, video game publishers, Obama, the authors of the Sweet Valley High series, Harry Potter: Witch, the Osborne family, Mormons, backsliding Baptists and Judy Blume.

Boom Blox
Set off chain reactions due to inadequate explosives training in this addicting “blowing shit up” simulator. Can you finish the game with all ten fingers?

Recommended instead:
Bomberman 2000It’s you vs. the abortion mills. Protest the killing of fetuses by killing full-grown human beings. Not specifically endorsed by any major fundamental branch of Christianity per se, but not really condemned either.

Pvt. Cent heads to war, visions of cap-busting dancing in his delightful head

Pvt. Cent heads to war, visions of cap-busting dancing in his delightful head

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
The incredibly true story of 50 Cent’s G-Unit, a crack team of crack dealers who singlehandedly ended the war in Iraq. Retrace their footsteps as they battle through the Middle Eastern cliche country of Turbania. (Note: the government has disavowed all knowledge of Mr. Cent’s military activities and multi-platinum chart success. Except about three hours into the office Christmas party, where you may find them “in da club.”)

Recommended instead:
Hammertime!– A subparMario Bros. ripoff featuring pants enthusiast MC Hammer. Harmless platforming action. Recommended because a.) Hammer sporadically claims to be a Christian and b.) he really, really, really needs the money.

Typing of the Dead
A supposedly instructional typing tutor based on the no-frills “zombie headshot simulator,” House of the Dead. Also somewhat based on Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead, a feature-length cutscene of a movie that only works when it is gaming Germany’s public funding for the arts.

Recommended instead:
Mavis Beacon Teaches Internet Typing LOL– Covers: emoticons, saying “you suck” in 34 languages, LOL variations, commonly misspelled words and how to misspell them, apostrophe and quotation mark free-for-all, U=You and other recent discoveries.

Postal
Despite its accurate portrayal of the humble mail carrier and his day-to-day battles with dogs, marching bands, mall patrons, “save the something” protesters and a rogue Gary Coleman, the main concern is the level of necessary violence needed to complete the game. There is also the taint of Uwe Boll to be considered.

Recommended instead:
Write your grandmother a letter. She’d love to hear from you. No, not an email. An honest-to-goodness handwritten letter. Use this stamp. No, wait. These are no good anymore. Nope. Not these either. Maybe… Here. Use two of these 1-cent stamps, this 33-cent stamp and part of this dollar bill. Tape it on good. Don’t you feel better?

Tetris
This addicting puzzle game comes to us courtesy of the USSR Gaming Collective. While the enjoyment factor is high, the many levels of subtext work together with young peoples’ fertile minds to destroy the remaining fabric of American society. The constant dropping of “blocks” symbolizes the Communists’ wish to wall their subjects off from the rest of the world. The fact that certain blocks disappear after lining them up indicates that Communism will always be less than the sum of its parts (at best) and (at worst) a harbinger of the mass genocide and “disappearances” of large amounts of their population during Stalin’s lifetime.

Recommended instead:
Lincoln Logs. All-American goodness. Named after our 2nd-most famous assassinated president. You know, the one without the ridiculous Oliver Stone biopic. Build cabins, walls, roofs, watch the dog eat them. Fun for all ages (except three and under).

-CLT