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May 4, 2010
A long-delayed welcome back to an old favorite: the Bible. As usual, the sugar-coated teachings of the elders have been undercut with the saucy impertinence of today’s cynical bloggers. While many of you may find this to be “just fine,” rest assured someone, somewhere is busily putting together a chain email, full of grammatical errors […]
Posted in Literature | Tagged BFPE, Bible, Blasphelarity, Moses, Religion, Story Time, Top Model | 14 Comments »
February 26, 2010
Well, well, well. Look who’s back. And you thought we’d all forgotten about you. How could we, what with your “Best-Selling Book in the World Ever” status and your constant unwelcome presence in our hotel room drawers when all we need is the SpectraVision guide. Say “hello” (again) to the Bible, as translated by Fancy […]
Posted in Random, WIN | Tagged Abomination, BFPE, Bible, Judah, Juxtaposition=Comedy Gold!, Shooting Jesus Fish in a Barrel=Comedy Gold!, Translation | 12 Comments »
December 29, 2009
The Bible is full of parables and stories that teach us valuable lessons through the suffering of others. Perhaps no story teaches us more than the story of Job. It teaches us that God toys with his creation and falls victim to a manipulative and bitchy Satan too easily. Meet Job: an all-around good guy who […]
Posted in Literature | Tagged Asses Galore, BFPE, Bible, christianity, Cursing God, Dying, God, Insufferable Do-Gooding Sonuvabitch, Job, Landlording It Over the Lord, Religion, Satan, Theology | 10 Comments »
December 15, 2009
Back once again with the Renegade Master, the full damager, power to the people. Bringing back the Bible, old skool. Verily, gaze upon my mad rhymes and prepare to start throwing limbs about carefreely. Volume 4 in what is a planned 144-volume series deals with the story of Jonah, another one of God’s chosen people. And much like […]
Posted in Literature | Tagged BFPE, Bible, Blasphelarious, christianity, Exegesis, Heavy Handed Allegories, Jonah, Judgement, Ninevah, Old Testament, Pimp Hand, Religion, Renegade Master, Translation | 16 Comments »
November 20, 2009
It’s time for Volume 3 of the prestigious and greatly overrated Fancy Plans’ Biblical remixing series. In this edition, we tackle a passage from the book of Joshua (chapter 5 to be exact) in which we find that being the leader of the nomadic Jews wasn’t all about laying siege to Jericho, but it was […]
Posted in Random | Tagged BFPE, Bible, Bris, Circumcision, Foreskin, Joshua, Knives Out, Old Testament, Passover, Translation | 12 Comments »
November 4, 2009
As you may recall, our first edition of the Fancy Plans’ Bible dealt with the final chapter of the final book of the Bible. It was all doomsday and J-Dog/Dawg. Oh, and there was a fine Crystal Pepsi reference about 12 words into it, so that was pretty awesome. (If you don’t remember, click here […]
Posted in Random | Tagged BFPE, Bible, christianity, Commandments, Crystal Pepsi, Goat Touching, Legalese, Leviticus, Offerings, Old Testament, Religion, Rules, Sin, Translation | 11 Comments »
October 29, 2009
(A quick explanation on this post: This is actually culled from a comment thread over at Stop Annoying Me, the Internet’s finest source for booze-powered cynicism. Tannerleah takes on a variety of topics including soccer moms, John Gosselin, Randy Quaid’s stick-up techniques and pretty much anything else that reeks of stupidity/calculated bullshit. A man among […]
Posted in Literature, Random | Tagged 2012, BFPE, Bible, christianity, Crystal Pepsi, End of the World, Heaven, J-Dog, Judgement, Lightning Bait, Prophecy, Rapture, Revelation | 13 Comments »
July 6, 2009
The rock and roll machine hums on, not dead as critics say, just resting. Those who have honestly assessed the situation have noted that the humming is actually coming from the life-support machine, not from rock and roll itself. Unfortunately for the supposed heirs to the rock throne, rock and roll’s will has not been […]
Posted in Music | Tagged Age of Consent, Bob Dylan, Burning Bush Gentleman's Club, Clannad, Creed, Drunken Irish Poets, Eric Clapton, Goo Goo Dolls, Humor, Islam, Jesus Lizard, Nick Cave, Pat Boone, Paul Anka, Richard Branson, Scott Stapp, Sex Pistols, Stryper, The Band, The Birthday Party, Thin Lizzy, Whiskey Guns and Bibles | 11 Comments »
December 19, 2009
A new generation of children are now surfing the internet, often without a moral compass. Who will help steer these youngsters toward education and edification? The TMZ’s of the world? AO-fucking-L? Never let it be said that Fancy Plans didn’t “think of the children,” as we proudly present the legendary works of Shakespeare (current record-holder: Most […]
Posted in Literature, Women | Tagged 2 Live Crew, Amplified Shakespeare, Arizona, Baiting CC, Freak States, Poetry, Poison, Shakespeare, Some Fuckin Highbrow Shit Here, Sonnet | 13 Comments »