Sonic Collision 8

May 14, 2011

Another edition in what is swiftly becoming “THE ONLY THING I POST HERE ANYMORE.” Catchy, non? Apologies all around. Very busy. Tired a lot. Brain hurts. Brain refuses to cooperate and generate new funny/mindblowing/awkward/incisive material despite very clearly worded threats and cajoling. So, enjoy the music. I hope to have all systems back online shortly. Engage!

Previous wreckage here:
The Sonic Collision Archives

rikkirok – If Eminem Visited the Lawrence Welk Show.mp3

This is why time travel needs to be invented. So get on it, whoever it is that’s working on it and get back here and do things like this so we can all (as one people) blow the minds of squares back in the day. rikkirok drops Lose Yourself all over various bits of instrumental weightlessness. You can kind of feel it lose its footing here and there, but the moments that are on are dead on.

(Hat tip to my youngest brother for pointing this track out to me via The Facebook.)

via Mashuptown.com

DJ Clive$ter – Funky Dream (Empire of the Sun vs. Wild Cherry).mp3

Returning to the Collision, it’s DJ Clive$ter with this impeccably tight mashup which places Nu-Romantics Empire of the Sun front-and-center with the electrocowbell romping of Wild Cherry’s Funkytown riding backup. Gives Roller Boogie a run for its money.

DJ Clive$ter at Mashup Industries.

The Kleptones – The Underground Hand That Buttoned the Widow.mp3

I am honestly trying to not turn this inadvertently (or as it would seem now, advertently) into a “Kleptones of the Week” feature. Eric Kleptone (there’s actually not three of him) is just that fucking good. Plus, bschooled is taking a hiatus and we all know how much she loves her some “brother/sister” bluesy two-piece rock bands. (A lot, actually. Nearly as much as she loves her some “husband/wife” bluesy two-piece rock bands.)

So, this is some traveling music for the multi-talented writer/Facebook troll over at JMC.

Full sample list:

  • Primal Scream – Get Your Rocks Off
  • Aerosmith – Dude (Looks Like a Lady)
  • Nine Inch Nails – The Hand that Feeds
  • White Stripes – The Hardest Button to Button
  • Tori Amos – Professional Widow
  • Mirwais – Miss You
  • Radio 4 – Dance to the Underground



  1. HA!!!! Sh*t, CLT, the internet has been a sad place lately, without your hilarity-ensuing one liners kicking it up a notch.

    These tracks are stellar, especially Mr. Kleptone. That is the best “taking a hiatus” lyrical shout-out I’ve ever received. For realz.

    Oh, and brother/sister/mother humper…does it really matter in the end? Like I always say, when in Wichita, do what the Witchitonians do.

    ps. I think “THE ONLY THING I POST HERE ANYMORE” would definitely earn you a “Best Blog Post Name!” award. Maybe two, even.

    • I’ve been in a bit of what scientists call a “funk” lately. I’m hoping it’s temporary. I hope your hiatus treats you well. You’ve been incredibly prolific lately without losing a single ounce of hilarity. It’s pretty amazing.

      And you’re absolutely correct, the Wichitonians are known for their rather casual moral attitude towards humping. They’ll get theirs when the rapture rolls in.

      PS: When I change the name of this blog to “THE ONLY THING I POST HERE ANYMORE”, you’ll know it’s time to take me for that long car ride to the country where I can go “live” with all the other “writers” on the “writer’s farm.”

  2. That’s the one of the funniest things I’ve ever read and heard! “Lose Yourself” is the only one of Eminem’s raps I’ve ever liked–whereas the only thing I ever liked about the “The Lawrence Welk Show” was the hot women (some of the hottest women I’ve ever seen)! I’d like to see Eminem go back in time and try to bust some moves on those women–that would be a riot!

    • Thanks very much, Scott. I’m sure Eminem would have been quite the ladies man no matter what era he was currently practicing his misogyny in.

  3. Holy Shit! Em + Welk = The Most Awesome Thing. EVER! My great uncle always used to watch Lawrence Welk. He also always had a fridge full of Iron City beer. Needless to say, I saw more than my share of Lawrence Welk. I have to admit, after 9 or 10 beers, that shit started to sound good.

    He was also really big on polka, do you have anything mixed with polka?

    Great selection man, I love you. I mean I love this.

    • So, it’s been proven: enjoyment of Lawrence Welk is directly proportionate to number of beers consumed. Scientists will finally be able to spend all that grant money on vending machine snacks and online degrees, rather than waste it on any more fruitless research.

      As for the polka? That sounds like a dare.

      Thanks very much, Scott. This makes all the frustration and writing blockage worthwhile.

  4. OMG…I need 36 pt font!!! I frickin’ HATED Lawrence Welk as a child (36 pt for the song pick and my hatred of Welk). Some old person’s house always had that show playing in the background…never could avoid it…about as agonizing as the Carol Burnett Show. Well, fuck that shit. This was the kind of music I was attracted to in the Welk era (giving away my age here):

    “Trailers for sale or rent
    Rooms to let…fifty cents.
    No phone, no pool, no pets
    I ain’t got no cigarettes
    Ah, but..two hours of pushin’ broom
    Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
    I’m a man of means by no means
    King of the road.”

    Mash that with Lil’ Wayne and you’ve got another winner. At age five I was far more interested in stogies than the accordion. Which is why I am mystified by how well the Welk/Eminem ‘collaboration’ works. This was one of the most BEAUTIFUL songs I have ever heard. Welk married with Eminem…can’t believe it and it worked magically! This was sheer brilliance. I love you AND I love this. God, I can’t thank you enough. Gonna play it again.

    • Lawrence Welk was definitely an “old person” thing. He was already a relic during his heyday, not to mention the three decades or so of reruns that PBS ran for forever.

      “King of the Road” is a classic track and I’ve got to believe somebody has mashed that up at some point. I can’t guarantee Weezy’s participation, but I’ll take a look around.

      And, yeah, Em+Welk has no business working and you can even hear a couple of moments where it clearly doesn’t, but when everything syncs up, it’s a beautiful travesty. This is most likely some sort of crime against music, but without acts like this, music has nowhere to go. We might as well just dust off the Victrola and watch Carol Burnett “hilariously” sweep up the spotlight.

    • If this is a crime against music I can only hope and pray for skyrocketing recidivism. I’m starting to believe there may be a song out there where I could appreciate the likes of Dionne Warwick. Now that would be a miracle.

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