Top 50 Tracks of 2010: Lazer Crystal – Love Rhombus

December 30, 2010

3. Lazer Crystal – Love Rhombus.mp3

Sounds like ’80s music is/was supposed to sound like. Some icy vocals. Glittering synths. The underlit intersection where the New Romantic movement collided gently with the melodic castoffs of the industrial scene. It sounds like the sort of music that should have been on the Less Than Zero soundtrack rather than the schizophrenic wet dream of a major label exec it ended up being. (Bangles, Poison, Aerosmith, Joan Jett, Slayer, Danzig, David Lee Roth, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Doors [?])

(Of course, the movie also features two colossal errors:
1. An attempt to place a sympathetic moral character into an amoral story.
2. Have this Jiminy Cricket be played by Andrew McCarthy, the only person who can make a movie starring both Robert Downey, Jr. and James Spader incredibly dull.
Bear in mind that Downey, Jr. and Spader did nothing more than play themselves (a cokehound and a colossal prick, respectively) and yet still managed to outshine the twin vanilla powers of McCarthy and love interest, Jamie Gertz. [Not that McCarthy doesn’t already have a proven track record for making movies worse.*])

More accurately, Love Rhombus sounds like the soundtrack to the book, before Nancy Reagan instilled a cliched, false conscience into the coke-fueled ’80s.

*More on this later, w/r/t Less Than Zero, McCarthy.

Calibrate your Lazers here.

Flashback to MCMLXXX.


The rest of the Top 50.

Bonus track:

Hot Pink BMX.mp3

This rocks hard in a way that tracks named Hot Pink BMX shouldn’t. A completely different side of Lazer Crystal and a great band name for any Death Set-esque electro-punks currently in need of one.



  1. I agree that Andrew was very boring in “Less Than Zero”. Where I disagree is with your take on James Spader. Having met and spoken to the man I can tell you that he was very nice, polite and a total gentleman. Plus I have spoken to several people who he has worked with and they also have only the highest regard for him as a person. He may be terrific at playing jerks, but he is not one.

    • Yeah, there’s a bit of transference going on there with my take on Spader. He may have been a perfect gentleman but he spent most of the ’80s playing people you hoped you never ran into in real life.

      Downey on the other hand spent most of two decades playing the cokefiend role, although most of that was offscreen.

      Unrelated: what did you think of the tracks?

  2. I think Spader is at his best playing a colossal prick. 🙂

  3. […] is a followup piece to the Top 50 post involving  Lazer Crystal, specifically how much their music sounds like the perfect soundtrack to drugging it up 80s-style. […]

  4. Yeah, it does sound like background music in an 80’s film, which is probably why I don’t like it.

    The New Romantic movement lost me at the name and, with exceptions, the music made it worse. Romance??? Like, gag me with a pitchfork! Now hit me with some Slayer, slap a porno in the Beta machine and let’s get shitfaced, motherfucker!

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