Top 50 Tracks of 2010: Diversion #2 featuring Nobunny & DJ Alpo

December 10, 2010

Nobunny – (Do the) Fuck Yourself.mp3

Nobunny – Do the Fuck Yourself (Spooky DJ Alpo Bedlam Mix).mp3

The road Alan Truitt took from avid blogger to bedroom producer is a long, if uninteresting, one.

Truitt left the dog-eat-dog world of office blogging for the sunnier climes of professional writing, having been lured by the seamy promise of noteriety and steady paychecks. He left behind a legacy of woefully (and perhaps willfully) mismanaged comment threads, pushing the limits of the semi-functional WordPress software.

Leaving WordPress in charge of filling his open position, Alan esconced himself in his office with an eye on conquering the music world (the other eye was still being detained by Customs). WordPress responded (after being nudged awake during their 3-6 pm “siesta”) by acquiring LiveJournal’s 11 million 6 million 200,000 12,000 seven active blogs.

Now trafficking under the name DJ Alpo, Truitt’s first project was a much-needed extension of NoBunny’s 1-1/2 minute rewrite of Green Day’s Longview, Do the Fuck Yourself. Sensing that the only way to make a good thing better was to trigger endless loops, Alan attacked this remix effort with his trademark blend of 90% enthusiasm and 10% skill, much in the same way that he attacked the “G-spot issue,” according to an ex-girlfriend who agreed to be interviewed only after assurances were given that she would probably not recall this conversation if she continued drinking at this pace.

“If nothing else, he’s always had plenty of enthusiasm. He went searching for my g-spot for well over 90 minutes, trying various insertions and positions, occasionally leaving the room altogether. I offered to guide him or at least shout ‘warmer’ or ‘colder,’ but he insisted it was important that he do this himself.

He worked so hard at this that I felt flattered by the incessant attention. Flattered and a little sore by the time all was said and done. I remember being awoken a few times by shouts of ‘Eureka!’ which were usually followed by confused noises and quiet swearing.”

[Author’s note: Alan has refused to comment on this statement, saying only that he “doesn’t remember it quite that way.” He added, “Of course, I was doing a ton of peyote at the time. As I am now.” Shortly thereafter, his publicist pushed him into a back room with an assortment of muted threats and swearing.
The official statement (via his publicist): “Alan will not be able to respond to any further questions for the next 24-36 hours, provided I get to the rest of his stash before he does.” This was followed by a calculatedly blank stare and an inoffensive half-smile that didn’t quite reach his publicist’s eyes. There was also some nearly indetectable flinching as a muffled shout of “Holy shitballs!” escaped from the back room, followed nearly immediately with, “Merle! You’ve got to see this!” followed by the sound of something presumably expensive shattering.
A moment or two of uncomfortable silence was broken by Alan’s muted and awed exclamation, “Wow. That’s a lot of blood.” This led into some maniacal giggling from the rear of the house and an even more calculatedly blank stare from Truitt’s publicist.]

As for the track itself: it’s an assortment of truncated loops that serve the onanistic metaphor well. Nobunny may have demonstrated that this idea could only be stretched for 90 seconds but DJ Alpo’s remix boldly states that there’s no effective limit on what a combination of unbridled enthusiasm, some low-end software and a bit of free time can accomplish.

The headful of peyote may not be wholly to blame for the resulting track, but it certainly explains the “What a mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve,” scrawled in blood across the wall of the back room.

[Author’s note, part 2: Alan’s publicist declined further comment, stating “At this point the job has become more apologist than publicist.” Alan’s ex-girlfriend could not be awakened for further comment.]
[A personal note: The elusive MEK shot me a copy of Nobunny’s “Do the Fuck Yourself,” stating that at 90 seconds, it was the perfect length. I agreed but stated that I (being the clubhead I am) would be on the lookout for the extended, eight minute remix. So, for no other reason than his generally being awesome, MEK whipped up this remix in the course of an afternoon. How kickass is that!]



  1. Great music and even better writing. You brought back warm, albeit fuzzy memories of a simpler time in WordPresslandvilletown. A time when we didn’t have to lock our doors for fear of the new, barely literate neighbors. A time when we knew our drugs were fresh and almost pure. For instance, if you ordered peyote in those days, you didn’t get some blotter acid with a pepper looking thing on top, you damn well got peyote. (It’s nice to see that Alan has at least hung on to that connection.) A time when all I had to do, personally, was google TGIF’s latest menu to come away with a usable joke.

    God damn I miss those days.

    • Haha!!

      Succinctly expressed and dead fuckin’ on, Scott. I miss those days as well, before everyone was retiring or whining existentially before taking off on open-ended vacations.

      Writing seemed to be a natural thing rather than something one tried to improve or vary. Those were truly the halcyon days. The days when grandma was still allowed unlimited refills on her pain meds and we all enjoyed a rare buyer’s market as the economy collapsed around us.

  2. Hahaha… Well, when one does the “Do The Fuck Yourself” working with your partner on the G-spot issue really is kind of pointless… It’s like I said to her, “Hmm, my arm’s tired and this isn’t working… Maybe you should just do the fuck yourself. I hear that gets results. I just did and it really worked for me. Hey, where are ya going?”

    Anyway… I really must have that publicist flogged… And then fired from a canon. And then after I’ve searched and subsequently scrounged up her charred and projectiled corpse, re-fired from the canon, and finally – in a nod to all things witchcraft – burnt at the stake.

    And then and only then will I hire Edna.

    As for the ex-girlfriend, well, my horoscope today stated “an old flame will burn down your house” but all I can say is that until she stops showing up at my front door with that rifle of hers, there will be no kissing and making up. There’s a reason God invented restraining orders – and it’s because he doesn’t exist… Oh wait, not sure that whole train of thought works… But I stand by my statement… Well, more beside it and pretending I don’t know it in a “who invited that statement” kind of a way…

    Glad we got that cleared up.

    Thanks, CLT. I’ll say it again: at 4.13 one listen is more than enough. In fact, it really wears out its welcome nicely. But it’s an honor to be on a list with the DJ Clive “The Hack” Cussler’s remix of Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water” Chad DJ Penis Kroeger’s reimaging remix of Brownsville Station’s “Smoking in the Boy’s Room” and of course DJ Uptight Updike’s ultra-mix of Boston’s Smokin’”

    There all coming up soon, right?

    I’d also like to take this occasion to let you know that I shall soon be sending you the DJ Alpo remix of “Focus” by Hocus Pocus. The song has been remixed into a comic opera in three parts whose length clocks in at a delightfully epic 3 days, 16 hrs. 22 minutes and 12 seconds. So, that’s your next long weekend all planned, my friend.

    PS. Can I get a side order of TGIF for Scott?

    • Alan!

      Weird running into you here, what with your name being dropped like so many unrecouped artists.

      First of all, let me say hahaha! I knew that nothing less than a 3/4-page disparaging would be able to draw you out of the woodwork and back into the refracted limelight of Blogvillelandtowntentcity.

      I’m afraid you’re a bit too late for Edna. She’s gone on to a better place: Jame Frey’s word farm, where she can be yelled at by someone half her age rather than 1/4 of her age. Plus, she lost a leg in an editing mishap/scuffle and is still rather bitter about my classifying it as “pre-existing” when speaking to her insurance company.

      Of course, I am looking forward to this string of remixes from these pop culture heavyweights who consistently punch below their weight, especially anything ascribed to CFC and CPK but written by someone else.

      Thanks again for the stellar comment, visit and, most importantly, the impromptu remix. You’re a dog among men, MEK.

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