Archive for November, 2010

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Top 50 Tracks of 2010: Mater Suspiria Vision – The Afterlife

November 24, 2010

39. Mater Suspiria Vision – The Afterlife.mp3

One of the leading figures of the witch house/drag movement, Mater Suspiria Vision bring Dario Argento’s sturm-und-buckets-o’-blood sensibility to your ears. (And band member ℑ⊇≥◊≤⊆ℜ brings something resembling a Led Zeppelin album title, for whatever that’s worth.)

This is one of their less aggressive pieces, all unravelling keyboards with a fuzzy edge brushing up against stunted loops. Not exactly beach listening, but almost warm enough to keep family members from spontaneously bursting into prayer for your eternal soul.

(If it’s prayer you’re looking for, give ’em an earful of their Ghost of a Raver EP.)

More Visions here.

The rest of the Top 50.

-CLT

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A Quickstart Guide to Blogging with WordPress

November 23, 2010

Eyeball embedding - $29/year. Check under "Upgrades" on your Dashboard. (Use your good eye.)

Welcome to WordPress!

Starting with your first post, the future is today! There has never been a better time to be alive and have opinions, as our easy-to-use features will have you up and running in no time!

It’s time for you to set free those unedited (and unspellchecked) thoughts and start “bringing the noise,” WordPress-style! Are you ready to become part of our exclusive team of over 200 million bloggers?

[If the answer is “Yes!” please proceed.]

Excellent! We’ll just need a valid email address.

[Don’t have one? Well, no worries, Luddite. You’re still free to peruse our selection of 500+ million blogs (only one-third of which are abandoned) and view our inserted ads. Unfortunately, you will not be allowed to actually “blog” and will be mocked incessantly by those who joined the 20th century back when it was still the 20th century.]

Naming Your Blog

Now that the confirmation is out of the way, you’re ready to begin! We’ve chosen your username as the default URL (laydeekillah64) but you can call your blog anything you want. Before you choose, you may want to consider your blog’s subject matter. Here are some ideas:

  • I like shopping!
  • I like CPM!
  • I have advice!
  • I know stuff!
  • I share music!*
  • I’m Wiccan!
  • I’m easily entertained!
  • I have ADD!
  • I’m not sure if I agree with your politics!
  • I don’t do research!
  • My mom thinks I’m funny!
  • ICP4EVAH!!1!
*Your blog has been deleted for Terms of Service violations! Thanks for playing!

Now that you’ve figured out what you want to write about (ICP4EVAH!!1!), it’s time to set your title (ICP4EVAH!!1!). Don’t worry. For maximum confusion, you can change this at any time via your header options.

Ah... "Default." Excellent choice.

Choosing a Theme

It’s time to choose a theme! We currently have hundreds to choose from, so feel free to spend the next several hours perusing them before settling on one of the five that are actually useful/attractive. Or just leave it set to the default (see above), which will give your blog that timeless “almost abandoned” look.

Getting Readers to Your Blog

Now that you’re (presumably) writing, it’s time to get some readers. After all, if no one’s reading your posts, then your blog (and, by extension, you) has no reason to exist. You have plenty of options available to get that Pageview ball rolling!

Oh, look! Over 350,000 "Observational Humour" blogs, 349,000 of which include zero instances of either "observations" or "humour."

Blog Catalog, Blogger, etc.

With a simple but complex signup routine, your new blog will now have the opportunity to be ignored by thousands of new readers, all of whom are loudly promoting their own blogs. By harnessing the collective power of hundreds of self-interested parties, you should be exchanging links with India-based new scrapers and shady Vietnamese porn sites in no time at all!

This cute little "Digger" symbolizes the thousands of users furiously burying your submission.

Digg

It may take some time to get your blog seen by this unfocused and rigged popularity contest, but if you manage to make the elusive front page, look out! Your page will soon be overrun with thousands of one-time visitors! Those few who choose to leave a comment will most likely point out that they’ve seen all of this before, usually several decades ago or caustically correct your grammatical errors. You may also find yourself completely out of bandwidth and on the receiving end of sternly worded messages from your hosting network. Fun, fun, fun!

The WordPress Dartboard O' Instant Noteriety

Freshly Pressed

Outside of Digg, nothing will give you a larger temporary stat boost than being “Freshly Pressed.” Our crack team of blogologists scan new posts daily, looking for new, exciting posts that meet our randomly enforced criteria.

If you should find yourself “Freshly Pressed,” brace yourself for an onslaught of new readers and commenters who will congratulate you on your “Freshly Pressed” status before wandering off to the “next ‘big thing’/link on the list,” leaving you feeling like a former child star whose Disney-propelled ship has suddenly sailed, thanks to the onset of adolescent ugliness.

Commenting

There is perhaps no easier way to get new “eyes” on your blog than through commenting. Visit other like-minded blogs and leave insightful/hilarious comments (see examples below). If other commenters are intrigued by your brilliant insight/humor, they need only to click on your name to visit your site.

  • “Insightful!”
  • “Great job!”
  • “Check out the blog!”
  • www.laydeekillah64.wordpress.com
  • “Hilarious!”
  • “You guys are soooooooo funny!!!!”
  • “LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!”
  • “Acai Berry Flavored Viagra Cheap!”
  • “I just wrote something dealing with this exact subject at my blog, only approaching it from the angle of writing about something completely different! Please click on my link!”

 

Conclusion

Now that you are armed with all the information you’ll ever need ever, get blogging! Remember these two adages:

– You’re only as good as your last post!
– The Internet abhors a vacuum!

Good luck!

-CLT

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Top 50 Tracks of 2010: #41-50

November 23, 2010

A quick consolidation of the first 10 picks, which oddly enough are the last 10 picks numerically. All links open in a new window.

The list so far:

50. Teddybears – Chrystal Meth Christian

“The track pushes 10 and the snarky double baiting of Christians and druggies draws a straight line between two forms of addiction.”

49. Finkielkrauts – Cocksucker No Blues

“…recalls the brattier moments of punks with seniority taking the next bus to post-…”

48. Grave Babies – Eating Babies

“…a washed-out masterpiece, built of waves of static and distorted instrumentation suggesting the last broadcast of man’s humanity, slowly disintegrating as it rides a decaying signal.”

47. Haunted Tiger – I’m a Mummy

“…a half-surfer, half-zombie juggernaut.”

46. Chemical Brothers – K+D+B

“…the Brothers redeem themselves with drums, drums and more drums…”

45. Humans – Mon Ton Ton

“…Robbie Slade’s deadpan vox makes you wish you were cool enough to hang with him and the sprightly electronic backing makes you wish you knew how to dance in a less embarassing fashion.”

44. Wise Blood – STRT SRNS

“…an underground chop shop of electronics, samples and good old fashioned soundbombing.”

43. Spider▲Webs – Do the Psycho

“…assembled from samples of ‘daft punk, house music and old movie trailers.’ Hey, whatever drowns out all the screaming.”

42. SALEM – King Night

“…an audio rendition of an apocalyptic midnight mass.”

41. †‡† – goth bb

“…post-industrial electronica that dwells at the deeper, deadlier end of the genre pool.”

-CLT

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Top 50 Tracks of 2010: Yu(c)k – Weakend/Daughter

November 23, 2010

40. Yu(c)k – Weakend.mp3 / / Daughter.mp3

Weakend

Daughter

One-off side project from fuzzed-up guitar pop group Yuck, featuring Daniel Blumberg and not much else. The Weakend EP is full of atmospheric, stripped-down pain pop, travelling the same opened vein as The Antlers. Weakend and Daughter bookend the EP, both crafted from little more than some sparse keyboards and lyrics to die for/from.

Download the EP here.

More Yuck.

Still more Yuck.

The rest of the Top 50.

-CLT

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Top 50 Tracks of 2010: †‡† – Goth BB

November 22, 2010

41. †‡† – goth bb.mp3

Google-unfriendly †‡† (a.k.a. ritualz) take to the airwaves with a darker-than-darkwave collection of killer bass and disembodied screams, all moving at a menacing, zombie-esque pace.

Some people have bandied about the term “witch house” to describe this sort of post-gothic, post-industrial electronica that dwells at the deeper, deadlier end of the genre pool. It’s a terrible term, conjuring up Blair Witch sequels and weekend Wiccans dancing around candles and incense. But what would you call it? Goth-tronica? Death disco? Nightmare pop?

More disembodied sounds and symbols available here.



The rest of the Top 50.

-CLT

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Top 50 Tracks of 2010: SALEM – King Night

November 21, 2010

42. SALEM – King Night.mp3

With this potentially harmful blast of their signature death disco sound, SALEM dial up the evil for an audio rendition of an apocalyptic midnight mass. It’s the suffocating sounds of pitch black celebration as hell reigns on earth, summoned by ritually abused drum machines and overdriven amps.

Those who manage to pull themselves from the primordial sinkhole will be haunted/taunted by a Hallelujah chorus of the damned. It’s enough to make the living envy the dead. All hail King Night.

sAlem on iTunes.

The rest of the Top 50.

-CLT

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Top 50 Tracks of 2010: Spider▲Webs – Do the Psycho

November 20, 2010

43. Spider▲Webs – Do the Psycho

43. Spider▲Webs – Do the Psycho.mp3

According to the band info, Do the Psycho was assembled from samples of “daft punk, house music and old movie trailers.” Hey, whatever drowns out all the screaming. (Nearly.) It’s an eerie fairground of a tune, slightly off-kilter, like a calliope in denial. It fiercely projects lurching “cheerfulness” in an attempt to ignore the unpleasantness just offscreen.

Kids, have fun on the midway! Play some games! Ride some rides! And try not to wonder why there seem to be fewer and fewer of you milling about. It’s just an illusion. A trick of the lights. And most definitely not some unspeakable horror lurking somewhere in the darkened outskirts.

Satisfy your arachnophilia.

The rest of the Top 50.

-CLT