Futurama Quotes for Any Occasion v. 1

Volume 1 – Zapp Brannigan and Bender Bending Rodriguez

With a little tweaking any of these quotes could be shoehorned into your next awkward situation, be it business meeting, first date, intervention or distant relative’s funeral.

Could you ask that a little more... sexfully?

Zapp Brannigan

• Oh, god. I’ve never been so happy to be beat up by a woman.
• In the game of intergalactic chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.
• Come back when it’s a catastrophe.
• If we hit that bulls-eye rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
• My strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it.
• When I’m in command, every mission is a suicide mission.
• I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan. At your service.
• You know, I find the most erotic part of the woman is the boobies.
• If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?
• I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.
• We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
• Ever since man first left his cave and met a stranger with a different language and a new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream: to kill him, so we don’t have to learn his language or his new way of looking at things.
• Same speed ahead!
• Ladies, you’re under arrest. Prepare to be boarded again and again.
• Hell of a thing sending another universe to certain doom. Lots of fun, though. Makes a man feel big.
• The quickest way to a girl’s bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you’re in.
• I’ve never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.
• Teenagers all smoke, and they seem pretty on the ball.
• You win again, gravity!
• Call me cocky, but if there’s an alien out there I can’t kill I haven’t met him and killed him yet.
• Stop exploding you cowards!
• What makes a man turn neutral… Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
• Perhaps I could paint the fence, or service you sexually? Or mop the floors.
• Let me ask you a serious question: Does the company that made your bra make a girdle as well? I ask because a friend of mine…
• Fly the white flag of war!