Beaten Sword Fails Career Switch

April 12, 2009
The state's Dept. of Irony continued to be well-funded.

The state's Dept. of Irony continued to be well-funded.

Living in the middle of nowhere in the upper Midwest, you begin to appreciate the little things. Or the lack thereof.

Most of my drive in midwinter is on a federal highway which is plowed regularly because of the heavy trucker traffic. This means that a majority of my 35-mile drive will be at somewhere around 60 mph. At some arbitrary point close to my city of employment, the state plows stop and the city (of 13,000) is presumably supposed to take over.

99% of the time this means that close to the city limits the roads turn to an amateur night Commuters on Ice as not a bit of plowing has been done within the city limits, no matter how many hours it has been since the last precipitation.

Unless some severe budgetary constraints have made the city’s snowplows strictly ornamental, I can only speculate as to the rationale behind this:

1. The city plow drivers do not know how to operate their snow plows (seems unlikely, as this is a.) the Upper Midwest, where everyone slaps a plow on their truck and b.) it fucking snows all the time.
2. The minimum number of angry letters to the editor from disgruntled octogenarians has not been met.
3. The roads within city limits are made from some new space-age plow-resistant asphalt.
4. The city has a Motor Vehicle Rescue budget that it has not maxed out yet.
5. “Snow emergencies” are ignored until they are “snow catastrophes.”

The fed stretch is consistently plowed with a few rare exceptions.

1. The highway department does not use salt. Presumably, the citizens would rather head into the ditch and snap their drivetrains than rust up a little on the underside of the vehicle.
2. One major failure: the day started with freezing rain which the fed boys met with loads of gravel as soon as the precipitation started.
Later in the day, we got a few inches of snow. The fed boys rushed to meet the challenge and quickly plowed all the snow AND the gravel, leaving us with a freshly plowed sheet of ice to drive on.


One comment

  1. Hairdryers are the answer. All cars should be required to carry a hairdryer on the front 😀

    Man, I should be a politician…

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