CLT’s Hand-Cranked Quote Machine

March 7, 2009


While in the apparently never-ending process of moving in, I came across several typed pages of quotes that I found insightful, humorous or otherwise pertinent back in the day. My guess is that I put this together close to ten years ago. The bold quotes indicate that I had highlighted these as particularly good.

Lots of cynicism in here, and that really hasn’t changed. It seems the more information I consume, the more cynical I get. I just hope that 30 years down the road, when I’m drunkenly sitting around in my underwear, bitching about how the world isn’t the same as it used to be, that it’s because it’s gotten better. I guess we’ll see.

Until then, read this. Then get yer damn baggy jeans and yer hula hoops and get out of my yard!

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
Lawrence J. Peter

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.
Camille Paglia

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright


When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Eric Hoffer

If the French were really intelligent, they’d speak English.
Wilfrid Sheed

Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.
Woody Allen

Nixon is the kind of guy who, if you were drowning twenty feet from shore, would throw you a fifteen-foot rope.
Eugene McCarthy

Giving every man a vote has no more made them wise and free than Christianity has made them good.
H.L. Mencken

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. They’re the kind of people who’d stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire.
P.J. O’Rourke

The only difference between Republicans and Democrats is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.
Oscar Levant

My Dinner with Andre is as boring as being alive.
Quentin Crisp

The physical labor actors have to do wouldn’t tax an embryo.
Neil Simon


If you can find something everyone agrees on, it’s wrong.
Mo Udall

I called a detox center, just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three and a half weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don’t have a problem yet!
Sam Kinison

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Frank Zappa

It is not necessary to understand things in order to argue about them.
Caron De Beaumarchais


No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.
Harold Rosenberg


Quotes Vol. 4
Quotes Vol. 3
Quotes Vol. 2

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