CLT’s Hand-Cranked Quote Machine v.2

March 7, 2009


Long story short, there are a lot more pages of quotes than I had thought. So, I’ll break this up a bit so as not too hijack the entire blog. Expect to do some jumping at the More… tags.

It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.
James Thurber

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
Ambrose Bierce

Ninety percent of everything is crap.
Theodore Sturgeon

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.
Robert Hutchins


You know how on the evening news they always tell you that the stock market is up in active trading, or off in moderate trading, or trading in mixed activity, or whatever? Well, who gives a shit?
Dave Barry

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
W. Somerset Maugham

When you looked at the Republicans you saw the scum off the top of business. When you looked at Democrats, you saw the scum off the top of politics. Personally, I prefer business. A businessman will steal from you directly instead of getting the IRS to do it for him.
P.J. O’Rourke

Disneyland is a white pioneer’s idea of what America is. Wacky American animals. American conviviality, zappy, zany, congenial and nice, like a parade of demented shriners.
Jonathan Miller


A great actress from the waist down.
Dame Margaret Kendal on Sarah Benhardt


Alan Ladd has only two expressions: hat on and hat off.

If there’s anything unsettling to the stomach, it’s watching actors on television talk about their personal lives.
Marlon Brando

People Dr Phil

The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide open spaces surrounded by teeth.
Charles Luckman


The people I see on bicycles look like organic-gardening zealots who advocate federal regulation of bedtime and want American foreign policy to be dictated by UNICEF. These people should be confined.
P.J. O’Rourke

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
Alben W. Barkley

That gentlemen prefer blondes is due to the fact that, apparently, pale hair, delicate skin and an infantile expression represent the very apex of fragility which every man longs to violate.
Alexander King

I find it very easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
John Cleese

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.
Quentin Crisp

Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.
Howard Ogden


Canada is a country so square even the female impersonators are female.
Richard Brenner

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sports fishermen.
P.J. O’Rourke


Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.
William Feather

 My father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He had it before it became popular.
Goodman Ace

In the United States, Christmas has become the rape of an idea.
Richard Bach

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Ambrose Bierce


Quotes Vol. 4
Quotes Vol. 3
Quotes Vol. 1

%d bloggers like this: