Archive for February 13th, 2009

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Without Hyperbole…

February 13, 2009

I can safely say that this is the greatest DJ set ever recorded in the history of recorded DJ sets. That includes you, DJ Jazzy Jeff. Your jazz is weak, my friend.

2_many_djs-as_heard2ManyDJs (aka Soulwax) guested for Rob Da Bank on BBC Radio One and crammed a mashup of 420 (four hunnert and muthafuckin twenny) intros into 60 surprisingly funky minutes. Link to the download and tracklist after the jump…

 

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Art of the Remix v2

February 13, 2009

Today’s case study: the Rapture.

The Rapture is one of New York’s finest dance punk bands. Their music tends to be more weighted towards the dance end of the spectrum and their punk is of the decidedly post- variety. Post-post-punk to be exact (thanks for clearing that up, allmusic). They look like this:

the-rapture-lrg

and are most definitely not to be confused with the Rapture, which (although spelled the same) apparently looks like this:

th_rapturepaint_orig

The Rapture (Christian version) is some sort of a mass soul harvest, wherein God declares all bets off and retrieves those headed to heaven without much concern as to whether this “is a good time for them.” Presumably, the summoning will instantly convert believers into Polyphonic Spree members and all cash into St. Peter’s Pearly Gates Amusement Park and House of Worship Fun Bux.

Those left behind will be forced to deal with a catastrophe on par with what the Y2K bug was supposed to do, if only the tinfoil hat brigade has been right. They will also have to deal with the huge discrepancy between the number of people who thought they were going to heaven and the number that actually went.

SCENE: Family driving to church…or synagogue

MAN: Anyway, the homeowners association isn’t going to be able to legally make me take down the “Jesus Hates Fags” sign in our front yard. Not only is it a moral statement, but it’s also protected by their precious “First Amendment rights.”
WIFE: I think you’re confusing morals with bigotry… *yoink*
CHILD1: Mom?  *yoink*
MAN; CHILD2: WTF?
(Dodges suddenly driverless vehicles and crashing plane.)
MAN: This is bullshit.
CHILD2: Fuck this, I’m going Wiccan. Oh. And I’m gay, Dad.
MAN: Jesus…
(Car demolished by suddenly driverless semi.)

On to the remixes:

the Rapture – Get Myself Into It (SebastiAn Mix)
Banging, charging remix by one of a new wave of French DJs/producers that retains some of the original funk and definitely all of the handclaps.

the Rapture – W.A.Y.U.H. (Claude VonStroke Drops Your Panties Mix)
More of a techy, somewhat house-like feel to this one. Nice work on the vocal samples and the bass progressions are hella catchy.

Bonus:

the Rapture – Out of the Races and Onto the Track
Early single by the punk funkers, featuring some galloping percussion and a fair bit of yelling. Used to magnificent effect in the “Pre-Saturday Night Party Party” scene during the opening minutes of “Rules of Attraction.”

All mp3s are only temporarily available. If you like what you hear, please support the artists. If you wish to have a track removed, please contact me at 2timegrime@gmail.com.

-CLT

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Click Fraud: an Insider’s View

February 13, 2009

-CLT

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Profiles in Randomness

February 13, 2009

foreigner

Who: The Foreigner, one of the “heels” of the Robot Fighting League (featured in the Futurama episode Raging Bender).
Catch Phrase: I’M NOT FROM HERE!!!  I HAVE MY OWN CUSTOMS!!! LOOK AT MY CRAZY PASSPORT!!!
Contemporaries: the Clearcutter, Billionaire Bot, the Chain Smoker, Sgt. Feces Processor and the Gender Bender.

-CLT

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Kenny Chesney Not Gay

February 13, 2009
The pillow soon felt the full force of Kenny's heterosexuality.

The pillow soon felt the full force of Kenny's heterosexuality.

In a recent Playboy interview, Kenny Chesney has made it clear (again, apparently) that he is indeed no fan of man-on-man action. I’d always assumed he wasn’t, considering the country music world is running neck-and-neck with the rap world in rampant homophobia.

I’m not going to quote the Bard here, but he really seems to be putting a lot of effort into putting this rumor to rest. Which is fine. Job security and whatever. But then he throws in the classic, “I’ve got a long line of women who could testify that I am not gay.” He even makes the claim that he was “…over 100 women several years ago.”

What a stud.

He managed to lock down Renee Zellweger (featured in US magazine’s 2008 list: “100 Somewhat Attractive People”) for an entire four months. Presumably, the divorce was the result of Zellweger realizing she had married a fiercely heterosexual douchebag with over 100 random sexual encounters under his belt.

Oddly enough, none of these 100+ belt notches has stepped up to verify his claim to the hetero throne. Maybe someday one will and lay our fears of a homo-contaminated country music world to rest.

#37 (out of 100 and counting): “Oh, yeah. Kenny’s straight. I went out with him for a couple of months. His favorite thing to do was have me put on his coat and hat before banging (can I say ‘banging?’) me up the ass.”

The more Kenny talks about his rampant cocksmithery and non-gayness, the more he’s beginning to resemble this guy:

-CLT