“It’s Only Money.”

January 23, 2009


What the fuck. Seriously. What the fucking fuck.

Use of this phrase indicates that A.) the size of your paycheck is inversely proportionate to your brain size; B.) you are an underemployed/unemployed hippie/slacker/wastel; or C.) you live in Zimbabwe.

Because the last time I checked, money was the only thing I had to exchange for goods and services. The barter system is long gone and you can only abuse the good people at the refunds desk for so long before they start demanding that actual money be involved.

Your local utility company isn’t going to accept bags of various grains in exchange for some of their tasty electricity. They’d be about as impressed as I would, if my employer suddenly started tossing sheep into the back of my truck every two weeks.

The other issue I have with this phrase is that it almost always comes out of the mouth of some observant asshat whose money is safely out of harm’s way.

At a loss for words? Try something smarter, like the following.

Money doesn’t talk. It swears. – Bob Dylan

“You can’t own land, man.” “Oh, I can, but that’s because I’m not a penniless hippie.” – Prof. Farnsworth vs. Protester

Money costs too much. – Ross MacDonald

It’s a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. – Albert Camus

Money can’t buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy. – Spike Milligan

Not money, fifteen million dollars. Money does your laundry. Money buys your groceries. Fifteen million dollars is not money. It’s a motive with a universal adapter. – Joe Sarno (James Caan), The Way of the Gun



  1. He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money. — Ben Franklin

    I was so poor growing up … if I wasn’t a boy …I’d have nothing to play with. — Rodney Dangerfield

    Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort. — Helen Gurley Brown

    • Awesome selection of quotes, e3h. I’ll add one more, courtesy of Montgomery Burns:

      “Ah, money. I’d trade it all for just a little more.”

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