Archive for January 23rd, 2009


Art of the Remix – Round One

January 23, 2009

House of Pain vs Micky Slim – Jump Around (Deadmau5 Remix)

Deadmau5 takes on Micky Slim’s remix of that old wedding standard, “Jump Around.” Micky Slim himself hails from Birmingham (no, not that one, the one where people speak English and read) and has been “on the scene” since 2005.

houseofpainjv1House of Pain. Little is known about this white-boy rap group but apparently they conquered the frat houses of the 90’s with their gruff, but well-meaning, jumping. They didn’t quite change the world, or even the (da’) rap blueprint, but they did bring a modicum of respect to the proud Irish traditions of drinking and fighting.

After the House’s breakup, frontman Everlast filed for cultural bankruptcy and reorganized under the name Everlast. (Ed: Hmmm.)

Under his new old name, Everlast reconquered frat houses with his po’-faced singer-songwriter act, producing the hit single “What It’s Like,” which added a fractional layer of depth to many a douchebag’s record collection, allowing them to get drunk chicks into the sack at a slightly faster rate.

Not much has been heard lately from the former director of pain housing. Unfortunate, considering he easily had twice the talent of his contemporary, brain-stem operator Uncle Kracker. However, diminishing returns show up alarmingly fast when you multiply by zero.

deadmau5v2Long story short: Deadmau5 lays out a punishing rhythm and abandons it 3 minutes in to present the opening verse of “Jump Around,” almost unedited, before flattening it again with his powerful, and oversized, novelty head. Retains just enough of the original to surprise chin-strokers on the dance floor, but not enough to make it flashback night. Well done.

Overall rating (on a scale of 1 to Mitsubishi): 8. Possibly related fatalities (unconfirmed). Highly recommended.

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“It’s Only Money.”

January 23, 2009


What the fuck. Seriously. What the fucking fuck.

Use of this phrase indicates that A.) the size of your paycheck is inversely proportionate to your brain size; B.) you are an underemployed/unemployed hippie/slacker/wastel; or C.) you live in Zimbabwe.

Because the last time I checked, money was the only thing I had to exchange for goods and services. The barter system is long gone and you can only abuse the good people at the refunds desk for so long before they start demanding that actual money be involved.

Your local utility company isn’t going to accept bags of various grains in exchange for some of their tasty electricity. They’d be about as impressed as I would, if my employer suddenly started tossing sheep into the back of my truck every two weeks.

The other issue I have with this phrase is that it almost always comes out of the mouth of some observant asshat whose money is safely out of harm’s way.

At a loss for words? Try something smarter, like the following.

Money doesn’t talk. It swears. – Bob Dylan

“You can’t own land, man.” “Oh, I can, but that’s because I’m not a penniless hippie.” – Prof. Farnsworth vs. Protester

Money costs too much. – Ross MacDonald

It’s a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. – Albert Camus

Money can’t buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy. – Spike Milligan

Not money, fifteen million dollars. Money does your laundry. Money buys your groceries. Fifteen million dollars is not money. It’s a motive with a universal adapter. – Joe Sarno (James Caan), The Way of the Gun